Anyone here raised by their grandparents? Not to be a downer but it is been struggle to come to terms with some things as of late.
I been kind of down lately because I was raised by my grandparents since my mother was always working. Ever since going off for school my grandfather has been doing okay, but between January to May his health really deteriorated for the worse and I contemplate taking time off school to spend as much time as possible to be with him. In those 6 months his constitution is a lot weaker, being more anxious and his limbs have started trembling more and more and his diet has become more strict because of diabetes. He needs a lot more assistance with everything and I don't mind it, I really love being around him but between July to now what hurts me so much on top of seeing him so weak is that these past couple months he has started to forget who I am at times I have been struggling a lot to come to terms with that.
I been trying to spend as much time as possible with him, making memories through out the summer. I just can't seem to mentally prepare myself for when he passes because he's a parent to me. It is just so difficult to see him go from a healthy man from the countryside, raising me when the family moved to the city, to how he is now.
I been kind of down lately because I was raised by my grandparents since my mother was always working. Ever since going off for school my grandfather has been doing okay, but between January to May his health really deteriorated for the worse and I contemplate taking time off school to spend as much time as possible to be with him. In those 6 months his constitution is a lot weaker, being more anxious and his limbs have started trembling more and more and his diet has become more strict because of diabetes. He needs a lot more assistance with everything and I don't mind it, I really love being around him but between July to now what hurts me so much on top of seeing him so weak is that these past couple months he has started to forget who I am at times I have been struggling a lot to come to terms with that.
I been trying to spend as much time as possible with him, making memories through out the summer. I just can't seem to mentally prepare myself for when he passes because he's a parent to me. It is just so difficult to see him go from a healthy man from the countryside, raising me when the family moved to the city, to how he is now.
By Smokey Go To PostwhatMy son's mother's mom died when my ex was young. Her dad is a POS that left his 4 kids and started a new life with his second wife.
By shun Go To PostAnyone here raised by their grandparents? Not to be a downer but it is been struggle to come to terms with some things as of late.my grandmother kinda took over after my mom passed. I was 16 at the time, so she pretty much only had me through the back end of high school.
I been kind of down lately because I was raised by my grandparents since my mother was always working. Ever since going off for school my grandfather has been doing okay, but between January to May his health really deteriorated for the worse and I contemplate taking time off school to spend as much time as possible to be with him. In those 6 months his constitution is a lot weaker, being more anxious and his limbs have started trembling more and more and his diet has become more strict because of diabetes. He needs a lot more assistance with everything and I don't mind it, I really love being around him but between July to now what hurts me so much on top of seeing him so weak is that these past couple months he has started to forget who I am at times I have been struggling a lot to come to terms with that.
I been trying to spend as much time as possible with him, making memories through out the summer. I just can't seem to mentally prepare myself for when he passes because he's a parent to me. It is just so difficult to see him go from a healthy man from the countryside, raising me when the family moved to the city, to how he is now.
its definitely different though. I just think, at least in my experience, there's no real 'need' to force things. You guys are what you are. Love my grandma to death but I don't think I've ever laughed harder than when she tried to 'hide' the fact that she got remarried lol. She's about to hit 70 and she's honestly more active than I am. Its just... unique, because she originally married very young and openly admitted to just making sure her kids all got to college before thinking about herself. 40 something years later. In a lot of ways she's younger than me. Even with all the medical issues that come with getting older.
I don't think there's a real playbook for these types of relationships.
My father did that... he just got married again a bit ago... dude like 82 wife is like 47... my brother is 44 lol
The best thing is to do is to enjoy them and encourage them to live and DON'T be all depressed like they are already dead
The best thing is to do is to enjoy them and encourage them to live and DON'T be all depressed like they are already dead
By Tea Go To PostIs it hard for them to get to where you are? Seems like errands day is a perfect day for them to hang out with baby while you and your SO catch up on stuff.
It's not hard for them. They're welcome whenever. They're just being lazy and would rather toss guilt trips than drive out. We have a family text going and my father in law quipped that he has to fight with his daughter to see his grand daughter. I responded that fighting is more effort than driving. My wife understands me and knows my relationship with him is rocky so she usually shuts me up and handles it herself. We used to go up during the week sometimes to see them if we knew a weekend was bad, but we can't do that anymore because their new house is an hour away with traffic. Without it's like 30 minutes. Still we can't come home, drive up to their pad in an hour of traffic while keep the baby up way later than we should.
By blackace Go To Postalready seeing the morning sickness kicking in
That's a good sign. It means the hormones are increasing like they should be.
I can remember my wife being sick twice when pregnant. Once at home which was fine, and the other in the car which was not lol
Its different for every woman and it's the same with each pregnancy I guess. My wife's sickness was more "standard" I think. The first trimester she was sick. About 2 weeks into the second trimester she was no longer sick but hangry as fuck. The third trimester she was uncomfortable as fuck. My mom threw up the entire 9 months on all of her pregnancies. Smokey's better half was one of the lucky ones lol.
I can't deal with vomit. I can deal with my son's dirty diapers whereas my mom struggles. My wife sometimes too.
But vomit? I'm out.
But vomit? I'm out.
I don't think my moms ever had morning sickness, she even went on a cruise while like 4 months pregnant and was one of the only people on board who wasn't ill. Only thing she got was a bit of heartburn and the smell of seafood was too much.
Yeah that's the weirdest shit. All of a sudden my wife couldn't stomach the smell of truffle. Like truffle oil or salt. She didn't like meat very much. Well, she didn't like steak or good meat. Ground beef was ok though. So all of a sudden she wants del taco and in and out and I"m just like WTF. I gained weight while my wife was pregnant. lol
I can't remember my wife having morning sickness. She did have EXTREME food aversion that WOULD make her nauseous/gag/vomit. Once, she could not stand the smell or look of scrambled eggs.
Her biggest struggle, besides delivery, was he gluten tests. I distinctly remember her keeping that drink down just long enough to be seen by the doctor before going out to the parking lot and up came like 48 hours of meals.
Her biggest struggle, besides delivery, was he gluten tests. I distinctly remember her keeping that drink down just long enough to be seen by the doctor before going out to the parking lot and up came like 48 hours of meals.
Also, is this a "joys of parenthood" thread or can this also be the kind of thread where you wonder if would have been better for your kids if you just got a pet instead?
By Smokey Go To PostI can't deal with vomit. I can deal with my son's dirty diapers whereas my mom struggles. My wife sometimes too.I DJ so used to finding vomit in odd places lol
But vomit? I'm out.
By Fenderputty Go To PostIts different for every woman and it's the same with each pregnancy I guess. My wife's sickness was more "standard" I think. The first trimester she was sick. About 2 weeks into the second trimester she was no longer sick but hangry as fuck. The third trimester she was uncomfortable as fuck. My mom threw up the entire 9 months on all of her pregnancies. Smokey's better half was one of the lucky ones lol.yeah so they say... she is having a hard time keeping a lot down... mostly bland stuff like bread...
another trip to the doctor Wednesday so hopefully everything is all good
By Phoenix RISING Go To PostI can't remember my wife having morning sickness. She did have EXTREME food aversion that WOULD make her nauseous/gag/vomit. Once, she could not stand the smell or look of scrambled eggs.
By blackace Go To PostI DJ so used to finding vomit in odd places lolI haven't been able to deal with vomit since I was a kid. Getting deployed made it worse.
By Fenderputty Go To PostIt took my wife and I about 6 months of trying before she got pregnant. Then we had a miscarriage and she got pregnant again the very next try. I'm not sure, but she was one birth control since she was like 15 so her hormones dealing with transitioning off might make things more difficult. We were even tracking her ovulation. The miscarriage was tough. It was really hard on my wife, but it's pretty amazing the amount of people who've had one before. They come out of the woodwork to empathize.
We had one too after 8 weeks last year. And every one came out of the woodwork. Studies estimate 50% of women have had one...but I think it's higher, because those studies are usually based on reported miscarriages.
I fucking love it, he's starting understand what No means and does the cutest sad face in the world lol when told no. It's fun seeing him start to devlelop emotions love anger etc.
My son starting to have mini fall outs. His mom walked past him to do something else and he thought she was gonna pick him up. He was in his toy where he stands and there's a bunch of stuff for him to touch.
He started jumping up and down (guess this is his tantrum) and arching his back and whining.
Looked at him like boy stop.
Let him have his moment for a bit before intervening.
He started jumping up and down (guess this is his tantrum) and arching his back and whining.
Looked at him like boy stop.
Let him have his moment for a bit before intervening.
By AlphaSnacks Go To PostWe had one too after 8 weeks last year. And every one came out of the woodwork. Studies estimate 50% of women have had one…but I think it's higher, because those studies are usually based on reported miscarriages.
That's about when ours was too. My wife had a bad feeling walking into our first ultrasound and then we didn't hear a heart beat. Its rough on their bodies. I remember it took about 10-12 weeks for her to fully recover. We thought she was gonna have to do a D&C at about 8 weeks. It was a daily reminder for that 10-12 weeks though.
By Smokey Go To PostMy son starting to have mini fall outs. His mom walked past him to do something else and he thought she was gonna pick him up. He was in his toy where he stands and there's a bunch of stuff for him to touch.
He started jumping up and down (guess this is his tantrum) and arching his back and whining.
Looked at him like boy stop.
Let him have his moment for a bit before intervening.
Yep, its fun seeing them develop their own personality though!
By blackace Go To PostGF has her 2nd check up today…so fingers crossed
Good luck man!
By blackace Go To PostWe got a heartbeat!!! The lil one is 2cm now!
I remember that feeling, inredible! did you get any pics?
By blackace Go To PostWe got a heartbeat!!! The lil one is 2cm now!
About to get real now! That first time hearing a heart beat is life changing
By blackace Go To PostWe got a heartbeat!!! The lil one is 2cm now!
It got real then and even realer when I learned I was having a girl lol. Congrats and keep us posted.
Question
When did that connection or "bond" hit you guys? Most babies are attached to mom for obvious reasons , and it takes longer for dad to get that attachment, or so I read.
I wanna say for me it took until like the 4 month mark? For awhile he just wanted mom and when I would change him he'd cry etc. Now it's all laughs, hugs and kisses, and I will destroy everything if need be to protect him.
It's weird because I read about it before he arrived and they said you'll "know" when the attachment/bond hits, and I can def agree on that.
When did that connection or "bond" hit you guys? Most babies are attached to mom for obvious reasons , and it takes longer for dad to get that attachment, or so I read.
I wanna say for me it took until like the 4 month mark? For awhile he just wanted mom and when I would change him he'd cry etc. Now it's all laughs, hugs and kisses, and I will destroy everything if need be to protect him.
It's weird because I read about it before he arrived and they said you'll "know" when the attachment/bond hits, and I can def agree on that.
I think because my birth ordeal was crazy it hit my from the get go. I had a 40 hour labor so that finished with an emergency c section so I was just overwhelmed with emotion.
I asked the question earlier but nobody answered it.
...I've never felt a "bond" with my kids. It's always been a knowledge of responsibility, duty.
Pride even? More for myself: "Hey look what I did, am doing, raising this family." Successfulblackman.gif
As they've gotten older and developed their own personalities, I've become more fond. Helps that older kids are less needy for everything from bathing to feeding to soiling themselves.
...I've never felt a "bond" with my kids. It's always been a knowledge of responsibility, duty.
Pride even? More for myself: "Hey look what I did, am doing, raising this family." Successfulblackman.gif
As they've gotten older and developed their own personalities, I've become more fond. Helps that older kids are less needy for everything from bathing to feeding to soiling themselves.
By Kidjr Go To PostI think because my birth ordeal was crazy it hit my from the get go. I had a 40 hour labor so that finished with an emergency c section so I was just overwhelmed with emotion.
Are you me? My wife had 40 hours of labor that ended in a c section of 3 hours of pushing as well. So many emotions it hit me right away. I remember her being 1 month old and laying on my chest while I watched a Laker game and I got super sad because I knew this wasn't going to last long. She would get bigger and things would change. I would say my bond has strengthened since birth, but that it still existed and was quite strong from the get go.
By Phoenix RISING Go To PostI asked the question earlier but nobody answered it.
…I've never felt a "bond" with my kids. It's always been a knowledge of responsibility, duty.
Pride even? More for myself: "Hey look what I did, am doing, raising this family." Successfulblackman.gif
As they've gotten older and developed their own personalities, I've become more fond. Helps that older kids are less needy for everything from bathing to feeding to soiling themselves.
I remember you saying this, and I just didn't know how to respond because I can't empathize with you in any way here.
By Phoenix RISING Go To PostI asked the question earlier but nobody answered it.
…I've never felt a "bond" with my kids. It's always been a knowledge of responsibility, duty.
Pride even? More for myself: "Hey look what I did, am doing, raising this family." Successfulblackman.gif
As they've gotten older and developed their own personalities, I've become more fond. Helps that older kids are less needy for everything from bathing to feeding to soiling themselves.
Interesting.
For me its kind if been there since birth because it's like...that's my son, and that shit hits you good. But then there is a period, at least for me, where I don't think it was as strong as it was with his mother.
Now?
First thing I do when I get home is change clothes and just play with him. He smiles and laughs as soon as he sees me. That's what I mean by that "bond" has intensified x10 over the past couple of months.
By Smokey Go To PostInteresting.
For me its kind if been there since birth because it's like…that's my son, and that shit hits you good. But then there is a period, at least for me, where I don't think it was as strong as it was with his mother.
Now?
First thing I do when I get home is change clothes and just play with him. He smiles and laughs as soon as he sees me. That's what I mean by that "bond" has intensified x10 over the past couple of months.
I agree with the bolded above. I think it HAS to hit them harder. My wife stayed home on paid maternity leave (thanks California) and she spent every waking moment with this new child. They're super needy, cry and can't communicate well. From my experience it's both mentally and physically exhausting to take care of a baby all day long. I think there's some evolution and biology involved here.
Like you, it hit me up front, but also grew over the months. Her ability to play and have fun has helped as well. I toss her in the air to make her laugh. I tickle her. I help her learn to crawl. I get a total kick out of her.
That is kind of pattern isn't it? when mom stays home she is rule maker... and dad comes home and is the fun guy. Kids pick up on that fast
By blackace Go To PostThat is kind of pattern isn't it? when mom stays home she is rule maker… and dad comes home and is the fun guy. Kids pick up on that fast
I guess that could be. Both of us work. I'll be the more strict one for sure. My wife will be the more concerned one.
From my experience as a child, my father would come home after work, but he was the rule enforcer. My mother may have set the rules, but she would always use him as a scare tactic for when we would bend them.
"You keep doing that I'm gonna let your father know when he gets home and then you're really gonna get it"
By Fenderputty Go To PostI guess that could be. Both of us work. I'll be the more strict one for sure. My wife will be the more concerned one.When a kid gets older for sure... but as an infant before the mother goes back to work seems like kids pick up that mommy says no a lot and that dude who is only home after 6pm makes my fly with lame jet noises...
From my experience as a child, my father would come home after work, but he was the rule enforcer. My mother may have set the rules, but she would always use him as a scare tactic for when we would bend them.
"You keep doing that I'm gonna let your father know when he gets home and then you're really gonna get it"
By blackace Go To PostThat is kind of pattern isn't it? when mom stays home she is rule maker… and dad comes home and is the fun guy. Kids pick up on that fast
My best friend is a stay at home dad. His son and him have fun all day.
My best friend is a stay at home dad. His son and him have fun all day
Sure mothers have fun with the kids as well.. But it seems like the parent who has to say No... Don't do that... and so on. Vs the one who comes home and plays with them almost only, the kid is going to be more excited to see the playing one than the no saying one, over time..
By blackace Go To PostSure mothers have fun with the kids as well.. But it seems like the parent who has to say No… Don't do that… and so on. Vs the one who comes home and plays with them almost only, the kid is going to be more excited to see the playing one than the no saying one, over time..
this is 100% true,
Perhaps the difference is that when I had my kids, I was at home 15-20 hours a day. Graduate school.
So I did not have that "can't wait to get home to play with kid" instinct. I would come home and play video games or read. It was normal for daddy to be home.
Fun fact: we did not teach "no." We made a buzzer sound like on Family Feud. This would startle them. The perfect frown-shape her mouth made once was so cute I burst out laughing.
So I did not have that "can't wait to get home to play with kid" instinct. I would come home and play video games or read. It was normal for daddy to be home.
Fun fact: we did not teach "no." We made a buzzer sound like on Family Feud. This would startle them. The perfect frown-shape her mouth made once was so cute I burst out laughing.
I ordered some Oster 76 Classic to cut my sons hair and Amazon sends Turbo 100s.
Poor boys had to endure the dull store-bought clippers I've had for years the day before picture day. What soldiers!
Poor boys had to endure the dull store-bought clippers I've had for years the day before picture day. What soldiers!
By blackace Go To Postwell today another check up!
Good luck.
Parenthood is fucking tiring.
That is all.