Life and stuff | From one Demon to another

Mate, just remember whats important in the world and keep your self grounded.

Hope it all works out for you, and yeah, there's a lot of places where shit is being glossed over lately, swept under.

And yeah, most of the people here are pretty good people. Hope y'all stick around.

It's 7PM on a Friday. I'm the only one in the office. Dev server took a crap right now as we are tying to comb through all the changes and clean-up some of the content to show the Producer. Can't even push to the staging server so that thing is now several days outdated.

:|

It's 7PM on a Friday. I'm the only one in the office. Dev server took a crap right now as we are tying to comb through all the changes and clean-up some of the content to show the Producer. Can't even push to the staging server so that thing is now several days outdated.

:|

Are your servers hardware? .. and local storage or something?

It's 7PM on a Friday. I'm the only one in the office. Dev server took a crap right now as we are tying to comb through all the changes and clean-up some of the content to show the Producer. Can't even push to the staging server so that thing is now several days outdated.

:|

Are your servers hardware? .. and local storage or something?

We've made so many changes on the fly this week to the database to hit a deadline that some of the outdated content just made things go sideways despite migrations and whatnot. Re-running the seed file seemed to fix it but it's been such a hectic week that our brains were too fried to figure out what's what.

Luckily SLAENT Beta is going a lot better but I haven't had the time to touch it since last weekend.

I'm inside a giant ball of stress right now. Not just from work but from everything life related. I'm starting to take preventitive Ibuprofen hust to stop up my entire shoulders and neck from stiffening up because I know it'll lead to a migraine.

And this work week might bw worse than my last and for the first time ever I am concerned that this project might fail hard enough for me to lose my job despite the impossible task at hand.

And relationship stuff? Ugh... What happened Saturday might just ruin me every which way if it doesn't go my way, which given my dating history is the predictable outcome.

And even then none of this compares to what others are going through so I feel just bad complaining about it.

I am still processing what happened during that interview/teaching sample I did a month ago, but in the two classes that I had to teach for one day, I felt like I regressed back to the days of middle school when the black girls I was crushing on would call me oreo/white boy/etc. because I speak in standard English. Because I was (trying to ) teach the Odyssey, and with every other word I said, some of the girls would giggle. At one point I had to re-define “scoundrel” three or four different ways because these 9th graders were like “what dat mean? What dat mean?” One student even said that I “talk funny.” That hurt deeply, more than I can adequately express here.

Have you ever considered driving an hour or two north? The economy is booming here and you sound like you talk like most of the black people in Toronto. It would be really weird if a black person here didn't know words like 'scoundrel.'

I am still processing what happened during that interview/teaching sample I did a month ago, but in the two classes that I had to teach for one day, I felt like I regressed back to the days of middle school when the black girls I was crushing on would call me oreo/white boy/etc. because I speak in standard English. Because I was (trying to ) teach the Odyssey, and with every other word I said, some of the girls would giggle. At one point I had to re-define “scoundrel” three or four different ways because these 9th graders were like “what dat mean? What dat mean?” One student even said that I “talk funny.” That hurt deeply, more than I can adequately express here.

Have you ever considered driving an hour or two north? The economy is booming here and you sound like you talk like most of the black people in Toronto. It would be really weird if a black person here didn't know words like 'scoundrel.'

I don't have a passport, and I have no idea what moving to another country would look like. I need someone to hold my hand.

I am still processing what happened during that interview/teaching sample I did a month ago, but in the two classes that I had to teach for one day, I felt like I regressed back to the days of middle school when the black girls I was crushing on would call me oreo/white boy/etc. because I speak in standard English. Because I was (trying to ) teach the Odyssey, and with every other word I said, some of the girls would giggle. At one point I had to re-define “scoundrel” three or four different ways because these 9th graders were like “what dat mean? What dat mean?” One student even said that I “talk funny.” That hurt deeply, more than I can adequately express here.

Have you ever considered driving an hour or two north? The economy is booming here and you sound like you talk like most of the black people in Toronto. It would be really weird if a black person here didn't know words like 'scoundrel.'

I don't have a passport, and I have no idea what moving to another country would look like. I need someone to hold my hand.

But you'd then be in white vegas.....

....

...

ball.

http://www.theonion.com/video/more-office-workers-switching-to-fetal-position-de,36240

I am still processing what happened during that interview/teaching sample I did a month ago, but in the two classes that I had to teach for one day, I felt like I regressed back to the days of middle school when the black girls I was crushing on would call me oreo/white boy/etc. because I speak in standard English. Because I was (trying to ) teach the Odyssey, and with every other word I said, some of the girls would giggle. At one point I had to re-define “scoundrel” three or four different ways because these 9th graders were like “what dat mean? What dat mean?” One student even said that I “talk funny.” That hurt deeply, more than I can adequately express here.

Have you ever considered driving an hour or two north? The economy is booming here and you sound like you talk like most of the black people in Toronto. It would be really weird if a black person here didn't know words like 'scoundrel.'

I don't have a passport, and I have no idea what moving to another country would look like. I need someone to hold my hand.

You should consider it.

Canada seems like a significantly more enlightened version of the US. It might be the change you're looking for.

All the best, man. Reading your story was tough, but everyone deals with shit. You shouldn't be afraid to post here for support--we all need it sometimes.

I don't have a passport, and I have no idea what moving to another country would look like. I need someone to hold my hand.

Half the black folks in the Western hemisphere will be coming here for Caribana next month.

You can hold a lot more than hands.

http://www.theonion.com/video/more-office-workers-switching-to-fetal-position-de,36240

Classic

I don't have a passport, and I have no idea what moving to another country would look like. I need someone to hold my hand.

Half the black folks in the Western hemisphere will be coming here for Caribana next month.

You can hold a lot more than hands.

I'm going myself this year..... I'm not trying o go to the clubs after though? Do you know if there any other after hour spots when the parade is over thats worth the trouble?

I don't have a passport, and I have no idea what moving to another country would look like. I need someone to hold my hand.

Half the black folks in the Western hemisphere will be coming here for Caribana next month.

You can hold a lot more than hands.

Yo, I'm married.

Here is something that I typed out at work in response to someone but had yet to post it:



Besides considering how expensive it is to live on the coasts and that we have no family on either side, we’re really “country folk” and would like to avoid the urban. Even where I live now in Bath, Mi is rural and removed from bustle of the college town that is East Lansing. What I read about concerning the coasts seems like another country to me. Not sure if I’d like it.



We’re pretty set on moving back South if we can. My brother has a nice place in NC, my parents are in Alabama, and my inlaws are in Texas (Dallas/Ft. Worth). The South is home to us…familiar. BUT if there is opportunity here, we will stay only because it is convenient.



I used to laugh at the concept of a quarter-life-crisis, but I guess it is indeed a thing. Kinda strange. I grew up wanting to be an editor of a video game magazine, but print journalism fell through (or transformed) and now everyone runs a blog/YouTube about video games. Pursued teaching because it’s “respectable” discursively but still pays slave wages for what is expected in return. That fell through too.



I don’t have a “Plan B.” Maybe it’s just hoping that my wife’s degree (in business/HR/leadership) is more marketable than mine and I focus on being Mr. Mom. My bro, who is in comp sci, says I can learn coding in my spare time as there is a market for coders and companies don’t care what your degree looks like if you can code. Besides being extra salty about how people scoff at the humanities (more on that later, in another topic), I didn’t go to school for like, eight years, to earn a perfunctory degree and end up doing something completely unrelated that did not require all this expensive education. I’d despise myself forever for being a “sell-out.”

I normally don't do this even though I should (because I still want to become a writer), but here's a link to a piece I wrote on how my gaming/porn addiction got out of control and how I had to wind it back.

http://placetobenation.com/i-wish-i-knew-how-to-quit-you-confessions-of-a-video-game-addict-on-dota-2/

I don't even know what really defines a porn addiction. Never read up on it. Outside of it crippling people's ability to maintain relationships or a work schedule, I've little idea of what it all entails.

You will find that much of the cutting-edge research is obfuscated by the already-in-place and hard-fought sex-positivism brought forth by 2nd/3rd wave feminism. You'll best recognize this by how women are less stigmatized for their sexual practices "on par" with men. The other issue with its neutralization is that there are profound implications when one says that the stuff can be seriously debilitating. It's a running joke that the majority of the internet is comprised of pornography *and* "who pays for this stuff?" even though the laws of supply-and-demand dictate that someone is indeed paying for it. Also, the profound implications that one could program the brain to desire almost anything that produces "pleasure" on the same level of basic survival is startling to say the least. Again, I am no psychologist, but the literature is out there. I included a hyperlink to a documentary called "Pleasure Unwoven" that explains how the brain works.

just landed in florida.


every fucking building has air conditioning, fffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck i missed this. Heaven.

I have 85 days of paid leave when I get my paperwork done.


HAHAHAHAHA

I took all 90. Best three months ever because I had just came back from Iraq and I had my passport.


I would not be surprised if some German or French kid shows up on day at my doorstep though...

Goddammit, I keep getting jerked around about trying to get into a group therapy place for the Summer. I've been trying for six weeks, come on :(

In Texas at a family reunion on my wife's mother's side.

As soon as I stepped off the plane, my face literally exploded from allergies.

Literally. My right eye and nostril made a pact that I was unaware of to see which could run the most. The whole right sight of my head throbbed like a face hugger had implanted a chest buster in the wrong place. Was miserable. Zertec (sp???) didn't work. Got some claritin by the end of the day when I got to lie down in my agony. Slept for like 11 hours. Have not been bothered since.

Prob because I had like 6 hours of sleep in 3 days before my vacation.

Other thing about vacations....ppl always planning and loading their schedules with stuff to do. I'd like to just chillax. Isn't that the point? My wife, on the other hand, likes to go places.

Yeah, so, life and stuff.

The other day, one of my dating website girls, never met her, sent me a pretty cool text message. She's a flight attendant.

"I would have liked to just show up at your place, in my work clothes..."

I asked her what kept her.

She showed up.

That was fun.

It was fun. And now what?

By "life and stuff" what is it that you do in between these little flings that give your life meaning? That's the real you.

It was fun. And now what?

By "life and stuff" what is it that you do in between these little flings that give your life meaning? That's the real you.

Wow. That is surprisingly judgemental for such a light-hearted environment.

I'm good to my family, to my friends, to my students. I'm a Fulbright scholar. But thanks for caring about the real me.

By the way, I would love to meet the love of my life, but that hasn't happened yet. I'm sure the judgemental fuck you are can help me some.

So many stories I could share but won't, if that's the kind of reaction it gets.

I should've told the story about me at the strip club Wednesday night too but I've been crazy busy.

30 day notice about to go in this week.

It was fun. And now what?

By "life and stuff" what is it that you do in between these little flings that give your life meaning? That's the real you.

Wow. That is surprisingly judgemental for such a light-hearted environment.

I'm good to my family, to my friends, to my students. I'm a Fulbright scholar. But thanks for caring about the real me.

By the way, I would love to meet the love of my life, but that hasn't happened yet. I'm sure the judgemental fuck you are can help me some.

So many stories I could share but won't, if that's the kind of reaction it gets.

I'm sorry if you interpreted my post as judgmental.

Would this have been less offensive?


IDK what else you expect anyone to say.

IDK what else you expect anyone to say.

You just talked about fucking allergies. Don't lecture me about not addressing the meaning of life, and get over yourself.

Gaby gets flight attendants to show up to his work.

I keep going on lousy first dates that are starting to blur together.

Life.

Well I had been seeing someone for a few weeks, she was really cute but both of us have stopped texting each other. None of the dates went badly but she lives 45 minutes away, liked her but not that much. I guess we both feel the same!

I finish my Fellowship June 30th.

13 years of training finally done. :)

I finish my Fellowship June 30th.

13 years of training finally done. :)

Another 13 to pay off your debt?

Gaby gets flight attendants to show up to his work.

I keep going on lousy first dates that are starting to blur together.

Life.

She showed up directly to my place, at midnight. I had just seen pictures.

If that makes you feel any better, I get the very same feeling about first dates, but most importantly, after we met a couple more times, that one eventually pretended that she needed more time to be alone. I believe she went back to her ex, whom she had just dumped. I was just a way to pick her spirits back up. Kinda crushes mine tbh.

Oh well.

I'll fuck my way through DC in a few months, if that's God's will. I wonder if Tinder is any good there, or if I should start up okcupid.

Gaby gets flight attendants to show up to his work.

I keep going on lousy first dates that are starting to blur together.

Life.

She showed up directly to my place, at midnight. I had just seen pictures.

If that makes you feel any better, I get the very same feeling about first dates, but most importantly, after we met a couple more times, that one eventually pretended that she needed more time to be alone. I believe she went back to her ex, whom she had just dumped. I was just a way to pick her spirits back up. Kinda crushes mine tbh.

Oh well.

I'll fuck my way through DC in a few months, if that's God's will. I wonder if Tinder is any good there, or if I should start up okcupid.

When are you going to be in DC? I'll be out there wedding crashing til I leave for my new job in Hawaii

I finish my Fellowship June 30th.

13 years of training finally done. :)

Another 13 to pay off your debt?

I hope all it takes is 13 years. Ugh. Regardless, life is good right now. No complaints.

Gaby gets flight attendants to show up to his work.

I keep going on lousy first dates that are starting to blur together.

Life.

She showed up directly to my place, at midnight. I had just seen pictures.

If that makes you feel any better, I get the very same feeling about first dates, but most importantly, after we met a couple more times, that one eventually pretended that she needed more time to be alone. I believe she went back to her ex, whom she had just dumped. I was just a way to pick her spirits back up. Kinda crushes mine tbh.

Oh well.

I'll fuck my way through DC in a few months, if that's God's will. I wonder if Tinder is any good there, or if I should start up okcupid.

When are you going to be in DC? I'll be out there wedding crashing til I leave for my new job in Hawaii

I plead not guilty like my high school role model, ray felon

Oh you'll be there? When do you leave? I'll be there october 1st, June 30th, more or less. Maybe the following year too depending on job opportunities

Gaby gets flight attendants to show up to his work.

I keep going on lousy first dates that are starting to blur together.

Life.

She showed up directly to my place, at midnight. I had just seen pictures.

If that makes you feel any better, I get the very same feeling about first dates, but most importantly, after we met a couple more times, that one eventually pretended that she needed more time to be alone. I believe she went back to her ex, whom she had just dumped. I was just a way to pick her spirits back up. Kinda crushes mine tbh.

Oh well.

I'll fuck my way through DC in a few months, if that's God's will. I wonder if Tinder is any good there, or if I should start up okcupid.

I'm not as pretty as you though Gaby! I gotta work three times as hard!

The last girl I went out with, it seemed like we got on okay online, but in person it just didn't feel like anything was there. And it felt like she was in a massive hurry to get out near the end. I think its partially cause I have a tendency to ramble and go all ADD on whatever I'm talking about. She gave me a hand shake before going to her car.

Between that and the lameness that happened at work on Friday I don't even really feel like doing much right now. Gonna go home and bum out on the couch all night.

Tinder really makes me wish I was white all the time. There are so many good looking chicks in Dallas....who are also interested in other white conservative males who go hunting lol

Yeah, so, life and stuff.

The other day, one of my dating website girls, never met her, sent me a pretty cool text message. She's a flight attendant.

"I would have liked to just show up at your place, in my work clothes…"

I asked her what kept her.

She showed up.

That was fun.

Awesome. Gonna make a regular thing of it?

In Texas at a family reunion on my wife's mother's side.

As soon as I stepped off the plane, my face literally exploded from allergies.

Literally. My right eye and nostril made a pact that I was unaware of to see which could run the most. The whole right sight of my head throbbed like a face hugger had implanted a chest buster in the wrong place. Was miserable. Zertec (sp???) didn't work. Got some claritin by the end of the day when I got to lie down in my agony. Slept for like 11 hours. Have not been bothered since.

Prob because I had like 6 hours of sleep in 3 days before my vacation.

Other thing about vacations….ppl always planning and loading their schedules with stuff to do. I'd like to just chillax. Isn't that the point? My wife, on the other hand, likes to go places.

As someone who spent 2 out of the last 5 days dead from allergies, i know those feels. I prefer Polaramine, claratin/zyrtec do nothing for my allergies.

But i know those feels.

I'm not as pretty as you though Gaby! I gotta work three times as hard!

The last girl I went out with, it seemed like we got on okay online, but in person it just didn't feel like anything was there. And it felt like she was in a massive hurry to get out near the end. I think its partially cause I have a tendency to ramble and go all ADD on whatever I'm talking about. She gave me a hand shake before going to her car.

Between that and the lameness that happened at work on Friday I don't even really feel like doing much right now. Gonna go home and bum out on the couch all night.

You'll get better with more of them. Dates that is.

I don't even want to go on anymore.

Don't get hung up on dates with chicks, especially if it is your first with em. Some are going to be awkward and nothing will come from and some will be awesome and nothing will come from it, once you find "the one" you'll know.

I know I'm not very active here, but I feel like I've gotten to know most of you over the past five years and I really need to get some of this stuff off my chest because I may just explode. Disclaimer - this may or may not be incredibly long winded.

This all started sometime in 2012, I had been with my girlfriend for 6 years and I pretty much conceded that this was the girl I was going to marry... been together since 2006 - High School, man. I had just gotten a new job and generally extremely happy with where I was going with my life, thought things were trending up. Then, something happened. I met another woman. This was the first lady that had me feeling different about my future wife, like maybe she wasn't the one for me. Now, me and this girl we worked together, so I saw her a lot - we flirted all the time and teased one another pretty much all day. This went on for almost six months, and it started to take its toll on me and my life with my girl. Feelings of unhappiness washed over me and the longing for something more. I always wondered if she was right for me - and this other girl proved to me she wasn't. So I did something I never though I would do - I broke up with my girlfriend to pursue this new girl.

At the beginning of last year her and I finally made good with the teasing and flirting and had a few run ins, but nothing serious. Then I started to long for my ex... so I got back into contact with her and began to try and work things out. We were okay til about April, it was at that time the new girl and I bought tickets to Coachella together. My ex had already hated this girl because someone drunkenly told her that her and I had slept together (which at that point we hadn't) so she already had her suspicions. Anyway, the ex and I don't have an official title but we are trying to work it out while I go to Coachella with this girl. She finds out who I'm with and flips out, deservedly so, and emotionally slaughters me. I know I have no one to blame but myself, but I really didn't see it happening the way it happened. Anyway, my ex cuts contact with me and this new girl and I get together.

We date from about April until September. Now, this is where things get a bit odd. Over the course of dating this girl we practically lived together after the first month and generally just had an amazing time together. She is everything I could have ever wanted and then some. As we got closer, she started to reveal a lot of dark secrets she had and I learned she is extremely troubled and mentally broken. I mean stories that are hard for me to believe even though she described them in every detail - you could see how difficult it was for her to describe the events. Moving on, I learn that she hasn't had a real boyfriend since she was 20, because the dude abused her and cheated on her seemingly at will. She vowed to never let another man treat her like that (I guess I should mention she was sort of a pseudo-feminist) and she would never rely on another man to make her that happy. She then tells me that she hasn't felt anything close to love until she met me, so far so good right?

We end going on vacation for a couple of days and I confess my love to her before we go skydiving. I watch tears of joy stream down her face and watch her give the biggest smile I've ever seen. The words were never said back though - which didn't bug me because I knew it was going to be difficult for her to say it and I even told her before I said anything that I don't expect to hear it back. Either way enough of that, a few days after we got back she broke up with me. I guess I should mention that my credit card number got stolen and I got taken to the cleaners. I needed someone to lend me some support and she wasn't there for me, then called it quits. Oops.

She pretty much broke me. I know I got really attached in a sort amount of time but it was mutual and I legit felt the love there. Anyway, for the next couple months I dated around - nothing serious - got over her. Then around February of this year, she randomly hits me up. Says she wants to grab lunch and catch up... initially I decline the offer. Then for whatever reason I accept the invitation and meet up with her. Everything was great, we talked as if the falling out never happened (bad idea) and have a great time together. We hang on and off for the rest of the month, and one day we have a drunken encounter. This sparks a lot from both of us and we start dating again, against both of our better judgments. Last month she says she loves me and that I scared her away by saying that to her before. I never got that serious with her during this go around, because I didn't want to get caught off guard again. She says she doesn't want to commit because if she can't love herself how can she love someone else, typical broken woman stuff, and we agree to ride this out together. I broke up with her last week, because her actions didn't back up her words. Oops again.

I thought I was going to marry this girl - more than I thought of my ex. The main reason I thought I was going to marry my ex is because we were together for so long. That's the reason I used "conceded" in my opening paragraph.

This has started a downward spiral though - my job has turned to a seemingly dead end and the business I was supposed to open with my friends has come to screeching halt. So now, I'm at a crossroads, I don't know what to do. I got a job offer in Seattle... but that seems to drastic to just up and leave everything in Los Angeles.

I don't know if I'm looking for advice or I just needed to vent, thanks to all who read this though.

IDK what else you expect anyone to say.

You just talked about fucking allergies. Don't lecture me about not addressing the meaning of life, and get over yourself.

I didn't say anything about addressing the meaning of life. I said that getting laid can't be all there is to you...unless that really is all there is to you and you got mad at the truth?

How about you develop a backbone.

If you hit the back button, you can read what I'm about. I'll take my "fucking allergies" any day over $300/mo in student loan repayment (did the math when I got back home). I been living on food stamps for nine years now and been wanting to find a job good enough to where I can get off. The irony is that the food stamps are what's allowing me to defer the loans.

'murica.

So the person above me just walked off the job. Obviously, I never want to celebrate anyone quitting/losing their job, but that makes things a lot easier for me...except that I have to get up at 3AM every morning to make it in at 4:20. As long as I have the office, I don't have to do anything but sit and chill and do this right here.

We left the kids in Texas with their grandparents so I have basically until mid-August to decide what I'm going to do in terms of moving. In the meantime, my wife can concentrate on finishing school, and we can concentrate on each other since we won't have kids to feed/spend time with, etc.

And OFC, I can catch up on gaming...if I ever have a friggin day off. They switched to this silly system in shipping frozen groceries here at Meijer, and the day before work I did a 15-hr shift because of how slow it is (6 hours of sleep in 3 days is prob what jacked me and my allergies...may autoimmune system was crushed from exhaustion).

Quit the bickering ladies.

Don't get hung up on dates with chicks, especially if it is your first with em. Some are going to be awkward and nothing will come from and some will be awesome and nothing will come from it, once you find "the one" you'll know.

I know I'm not very active here, but I feel like I've gotten to know most of you over the past five years and I really need to get some of this stuff off my chest because I may just explode. Disclaimer - this may or may not be incredibly long winded.

This all started sometime in 2012, I had been with my girlfriend for 6 years and I pretty much conceded that this was the girl I was going to marry… been together since 2006 - High School, man. I had just gotten a new job and generally extremely happy with where I was going with my life, thought things were trending up. Then, something happened. I met another woman. This was the first lady that had me feeling different about my future wife, like maybe she wasn't the one for me. Now, me and this girl we worked together, so I saw her a lot - we flirted all the time and teased one another pretty much all day. This went on for almost six months, and it started to take its toll on me and my life with my girl. Feelings of unhappiness washed over me and the longing for something more. I always wondered if she was right for me - and this other girl proved to me she wasn't. So I did something I never though I would do - I broke up with my girlfriend to pursue this new girl.

At the beginning of last year her and I finally made good with the teasing and flirting and had a few run ins, but nothing serious. Then I started to long for my ex… so I got back into contact with her and began to try and work things out. We were okay til about April, it was at that time the new girl and I bought tickets to Coachella together. My ex had already hated this girl because someone drunkenly told her that her and I had slept together (which at that point we hadn't) so she already had her suspicions. Anyway, the ex and I don't have an official title but we are trying to work it out while I go to Coachella with this girl. She finds out who I'm with and flips out, deservedly so, and emotionally slaughters me. I know I have no one to blame but myself, but I really didn't see it happening the way it happened. Anyway, my ex cuts contact with me and this new girl and I get together.

We date from about April until September. Now, this is where things get a bit odd. Over the course of dating this girl we practically lived together after the first month and generally just had an amazing time together. She is everything I could have ever wanted and then some. As we got closer, she started to reveal a lot of dark secrets she had and I learned she is extremely troubled and mentally broken. I mean stories that are hard for me to believe even though she described them in every detail - you could see how difficult it was for her to describe the events. Moving on, I learn that she hasn't had a real boyfriend since she was 20, because the dude abused her and cheated on her seemingly at will. She vowed to never let another man treat her like that (I guess I should mention she was sort of a pseudo-feminist) and she would never rely on another man to make her that happy. She then tells me that she hasn't felt anything close to love until she met me, so far so good right?

We end going on vacation for a couple of days and I confess my love to her before we go skydiving. I watch tears of joy stream down her face and watch her give the biggest smile I've ever seen. The words were never said back though - which didn't bug me because I knew it was going to be difficult for her to say it and I even told her before I said anything that I don't expect to hear it back. Either way enough of that, a few days after we got back she broke up with me. I guess I should mention that my credit card number got stolen and I got taken to the cleaners. I needed someone to lend me some support and she wasn't there for me, then called it quits. Oops.

She pretty much broke me. I know I got really attached in a sort amount of time but it was mutual and I legit felt the love there. Anyway, for the next couple months I dated around - nothing serious - got over her. Then around February of this year, she randomly hits me up. Says she wants to grab lunch and catch up… initially I decline the offer. Then for whatever reason I accept the invitation and meet up with her. Everything was great, we talked as if the falling out never happened (bad idea) and have a great time together. We hang on and off for the rest of the month, and one day we have a drunken encounter. This sparks a lot from both of us and we start dating again, against both of our better judgments. Last month she says she loves me and that I scared her away by saying that to her before. I never got that serious with her during this go around, because I didn't want to get caught off guard again. She says she doesn't want to commit because if she can't love herself how can she love someone else, typical broken woman stuff, and we agree to ride this out together. I broke up with her last week, because her actions didn't back up her words. Oops again.

I thought I was going to marry this girl - more than I thought of my ex. The main reason I thought I was going to marry my ex is because we were together for so long. That's the reason I used "conceded" in my opening paragraph.

This has started a downward spiral though - my job has turned to a seemingly dead end and the business I was supposed to open with my friends has come to screeching halt. So now, I'm at a crossroads, I don't know what to do. I got a job offer in Seattle… but that seems to drastic to just up and leave everything in Los Angeles.

I don't know if I'm looking for advice or I just needed to vent, thanks to all who read this though.

This deserves a whole 'nother post because got dayum.

Yeah, I remember the HS sweetheart situation. I was in a 4-year relationship with her from sophomore year in HS until sophomore in college. I thought I was going to marry her too, not because she was the most amazing person ever, but because I thought I couldn't do better and was stuck with her. By an act of out-of-character boldness (I never initiated contact with girls; they always initiated on me), I spoke to this girl at lunch time (small college of about 2.5k) and she blew my socks off.

She was smart—and I don’t mean the kind of “intelligent” that everyone throws around because it’s an attractive characteristic and nobody wants to be called a dumbass, but I mean seriously bright enough to teach me words I didn’t know like “subcutaneous” and I would go on to pursue a Ph.D. in English—had a functional vocabulary when it came to video games, and knew sports. I mean, she knew entire rosters of professional teams even though she preferred college. Hell, she taught me how to understand tennis! I was attracted to her, but not necessarily physically. She weighed like 90 lbs and had no body, especially compared to all the other black women on campus at a HBCU. She was a virgin and intended to keep it that way, so while she didn’t fascinate my loins, she fascinated my brain. In the meantime, we spoke about all these things that were dropped on your head midway through your relationship. We talked about spiritual matters. Spoke about what it would look like to have kids. We spoke about career aspirations. She told me how she was a victim of verbal abuse from her father as he struggled with alcohol. She is self-conscious about her body hair.



What I’m saying is, I bonded with her mentally, emotionally before anything physical would go down. I think that if more people jumped into people’s heads, backgrounds, before jumping in their beds, this cycle of emotional trauma might be remedied.

(I broke up with my HS sweetheart over the phone. Ice cold, but a man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do.)

I just finished residency. Too many onions being chopped around here...

:cry:

I need to find a job before December. I need to find an internship by August. Next month is going to be hell. I have money for rent and food that's it.




Oh and my mom gave $200K away to rebuild her Church because "that's what god wanted to happen." She gave away our family's money over the course of 10 years because of how religious and crazy she is.

I'm a Christian, so I'm not one to question how God moves people but $200,000 is a lot of change to give to a church. Maybe she was trying to catch up on some tithes and offerings? lol.

I'm a Christian, so I'm not one to question how God moves people but $200,000 is a lot of change to give to a church. Maybe she was trying to catch up on some tithes and offerings? lol.

My mom is just shitty with money. We use to have a lot of it. Owned one of the biggest fruit farms in Cali but the drought hit. Our farm died out one season and my mom spent all of our money. Bankrupted our family. My uncle died a few years ago and left her money. She's spent it helping out the church. My father didn't even know about the money until she spent it all. My dad's a redneck that trusts too many people.

You know that kid in movies that had money but his parents lose it so he has to move into the poorer neighborhood? That was me. I went from getting everything I wanted to worrying about how much I would grow in a school semester because my parents couldn't buy me clothes. You don't really understand that shit when you're a kid. Shit, my sisters have already said that once our dad dies they are done with our mother.

Don't get hung up on dates with chicks, especially if it is your first with em. Some are going to be awkward and nothing will come from and some will be awesome and nothing will come from it, once you find "the one" you'll know.

I know I'm not very active here, but I feel like I've gotten to know most of you over the past five years and I really need to get some of this stuff off my chest because I may just explode. Disclaimer - this may or may not be incredibly long winded.

This all started sometime in 2012, I had been with my girlfriend for 6 years and I pretty much conceded that this was the girl I was going to marry… been together since 2006 - High School, man. I had just gotten a new job and generally extremely happy with where I was going with my life, thought things were trending up. Then, something happened. I met another woman. This was the first lady that had me feeling different about my future wife, like maybe she wasn't the one for me. Now, me and this girl we worked together, so I saw her a lot - we flirted all the time and teased one another pretty much all day. This went on for almost six months, and it started to take its toll on me and my life with my girl. Feelings of unhappiness washed over me and the longing for something more. I always wondered if she was right for me - and this other girl proved to me she wasn't. So I did something I never though I would do - I broke up with my girlfriend to pursue this new girl.

At the beginning of last year her and I finally made good with the teasing and flirting and had a few run ins, but nothing serious. Then I started to long for my ex… so I got back into contact with her and began to try and work things out. We were okay til about April, it was at that time the new girl and I bought tickets to Coachella together. My ex had already hated this girl because someone drunkenly told her that her and I had slept together (which at that point we hadn't) so she already had her suspicions. Anyway, the ex and I don't have an official title but we are trying to work it out while I go to Coachella with this girl. She finds out who I'm with and flips out, deservedly so, and emotionally slaughters me. I know I have no one to blame but myself, but I really didn't see it happening the way it happened. Anyway, my ex cuts contact with me and this new girl and I get together.

We date from about April until September. Now, this is where things get a bit odd. Over the course of dating this girl we practically lived together after the first month and generally just had an amazing time together. She is everything I could have ever wanted and then some. As we got closer, she started to reveal a lot of dark secrets she had and I learned she is extremely troubled and mentally broken. I mean stories that are hard for me to believe even though she described them in every detail - you could see how difficult it was for her to describe the events. Moving on, I learn that she hasn't had a real boyfriend since she was 20, because the dude abused her and cheated on her seemingly at will. She vowed to never let another man treat her like that (I guess I should mention she was sort of a pseudo-feminist) and she would never rely on another man to make her that happy. She then tells me that she hasn't felt anything close to love until she met me, so far so good right?

We end going on vacation for a couple of days and I confess my love to her before we go skydiving. I watch tears of joy stream down her face and watch her give the biggest smile I've ever seen. The words were never said back though - which didn't bug me because I knew it was going to be difficult for her to say it and I even told her before I said anything that I don't expect to hear it back. Either way enough of that, a few days after we got back she broke up with me. I guess I should mention that my credit card number got stolen and I got taken to the cleaners. I needed someone to lend me some support and she wasn't there for me, then called it quits. Oops.

She pretty much broke me. I know I got really attached in a sort amount of time but it was mutual and I legit felt the love there. Anyway, for the next couple months I dated around - nothing serious - got over her. Then around February of this year, she randomly hits me up. Says she wants to grab lunch and catch up… initially I decline the offer. Then for whatever reason I accept the invitation and meet up with her. Everything was great, we talked as if the falling out never happened (bad idea) and have a great time together. We hang on and off for the rest of the month, and one day we have a drunken encounter. This sparks a lot from both of us and we start dating again, against both of our better judgments. Last month she says she loves me and that I scared her away by saying that to her before. I never got that serious with her during this go around, because I didn't want to get caught off guard again. She says she doesn't want to commit because if she can't love herself how can she love someone else, typical broken woman stuff, and we agree to ride this out together. I broke up with her last week, because her actions didn't back up her words. Oops again.

I thought I was going to marry this girl - more than I thought of my ex. The main reason I thought I was going to marry my ex is because we were together for so long. That's the reason I used "conceded" in my opening paragraph.

This has started a downward spiral though - my job has turned to a seemingly dead end and the business I was supposed to open with my friends has come to screeching halt. So now, I'm at a crossroads, I don't know what to do. I got a job offer in Seattle… but that seems to drastic to just up and leave everything in Los Angeles.

I don't know if I'm looking for advice or I just needed to vent, thanks to all who read this though.

This deserves a whole 'nother post because got dayum.

Yeah, I remember the HS sweetheart situation. I was in a 4-year relationship with her from sophomore year in HS until sophomore in college. I thought I was going to marry her too, not because she was the most amazing person ever, but because I thought I couldn't do better and was stuck with her. By an act of out-of-character boldness (I never initiated contact with girls; they always initiated on me), I spoke to this girl at lunch time (small college of about 2.5k) and she blew my socks off.

She was smart—and I don’t mean the kind of “intelligent” that everyone throws around because it’s an attractive characteristic and nobody wants to be called a dumbass, but I mean seriously bright enough to teach me words I didn’t know like “subcutaneous” and I would go on to pursue a Ph.D. in English—had a functional vocabulary when it came to video games, and knew sports. I mean, she knew entire rosters of professional teams even though she preferred college. Hell, she taught me how to understand tennis! I was attracted to her, but not necessarily physically. She weighed like 90 lbs and had no body, especially compared to all the other black women on campus at a HBCU. She was a virgin and intended to keep it that way, so while she didn’t fascinate my loins, she fascinated my brain. In the meantime, we spoke about all these things that were dropped on your head midway through your relationship. We talked about spiritual matters. Spoke about what it would look like to have kids. We spoke about career aspirations. She told me how she was a victim of verbal abuse from her father as he struggled with alcohol. She is self-conscious about her body hair.


What I’m saying is, I bonded with her mentally, emotionally before anything physical would go down. I think that if more people jumped into people’s heads, backgrounds, before jumping in their beds, this cycle of emotional trauma might be remedied.

(I broke up with my HS sweetheart over the phone. Ice cold, but a man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do.)

That's how I was with this chick, too. We had a connection on an emotional level before we had anything on a physical level. I think that's what made things move so fast with us - we got to know each other before we dated and made dating so much easier and fun. This girl was honestly, beautiful, in my eyes no one was any better looking than she is. It doesn't stop there though, we had so many of the same interests and views that it was mind blowing to me. She got into her demons after a few months but it didn't really change anything about us, all it did was make me more empathetic with her. A lot of the stuff she told me were things she has never told anyone else, and believe me when I say it was some seriously fucked up stuff.

When we hooked up again recently I think it was just the allure of "us" that made us want to start up again. Then that quickly faded (for her at least) and I had to do the tough shit myself.

My ex and I broke up on the grounds that we may get back together one day - now that ship has long sailed but it's for the better. We are actually still friends though... I'm getting dinner with her tomorrow.

Yeah, that hella sucks.

But it's money. You can get more. You can't buy another mother. I could see if she were intentionally being emotionally abusive, but poor stewardship doesn't sound like grounds for being disowned.