Life and stuff | From one Demon to another

By DY_nasty Go To Postfound out one of my frat brothers died this morning and goddamn

that's two out of nine - both of these guys would genuinely light up a room. we're fucking young. just doesn't make any sense

Sorry to hear that.

By zoabs Go To PostDepression sucks. That's all I got.
I've lived with it for 12 years of my life and it's just a miserable experience; I literally feel as the emo kids would say, "empty and fleeting."

The worst part is, I don't know who I am without depression and that terrifies me.

Have you seen a counselor or tried any medication?

Damn. Lots of sad stories on here lately.

I've got an intake appointment with a therapist on Monday. First step in a journey that I've wanted to take for a long time but didn't feel free to do while I was with someone who was mentally unstable. It's nice to be free.

I'm making a bunch of new friends which I wasn't really allowed to do before (unless they were dudes) because of jealousy issues. People are opening up to me at work about their struggles. It's great to hear other stories and hopefully make a small positive difference in their lives by listening.

Losing someone after several years of closeness is terrible for a lot of reasons but the truth is that I've now realized that I also wanted to break up for a long time but I was too comfortable and entangled.

Just thought I'd share that I'm already back in the race for you guys who are going through some shit yourselves. Stay strong.

By zoabs Go To PostThe worst part is, I don't know who I am without depression and that terrifies me.

You get to choose.

Life is rarely what you feel, it is what you do.

By zoabs Go To PostDepression sucks. That's all I got.
I've lived with it for 12 years of my life and it's just a miserable experience; I literally feel as the emo kids would say, "empty and fleeting."

The worst part is, I don't know who I am without depression and that terrifies me.

Tell me about it. Got diagnosed last year with PTSD, depression, and something else. Later realized no one in my church likes me and there's a huge amount of tension.

Apollo keep your head up and if all else fails, remember you have enough essence to convince beautiful young lasses to want you. Eventually you're going to

As for me:

Got kicked out of a boom beach group for not attacking as my iphone 5 broke for 24 hours. Made me realize I need to cut out a lot of ancillary things in my life. Literally I need to tear down everything.

As an older black male, I'm beyond frustrated. Thought I'd be married and have a dog by now. At least have a condo and have a solid crew of reliable people. It's weird living in different worlds within an area.

Applying to jobs in other states with no connects knowing no one will hire you is the most frustrating shit ever. I can feel the moment where the HR manager says no through the screen.

The one thing holding back from moving is taking the L. I came here, wherever here is, to get a degree on paper but really came here for another reason. In the process of getting degrees, living without a functioning support system, and getting stuck in the recession I got away from what came here for and need to find a way to rationalize this loss somehow.

Narrowed down moving options to a few places but moving without a support system or friends in an area fucking sucks.

Keep your head up Furyous yeah Moving to a brand new place is always a drag. I'll say this though at least you have your independence. That Freedom of movement always means things can change fast for the better if you plot it out right and keep yourself open to new possibilities.

By KingGondo Go To PostSorry to hear that.

Have you seen a counselor or tried any medication?

Doing both currently. On my like...12th different medication but I think this one works the best. On my 4th counselor and found a pricy but good one. Both are helping, but I really regret not getting it done earlier. I started extensive therapy after I first told my family about all my mental problems only a few years ago. I didn't want to worry my family though.

By Furyous Go To PostTell me about it. Got diagnosed last year with PTSD, depression, and something else. Later realized no one in my church likes me and there's a huge amount of tension.

You sound like you have a reasonable reason to have depression and I'm sorry to hear that. :/ On the plus side it DOES get better. I have a somewhat positive outlook -or more positive than before- when I was ready to throw in the towel (yes THAT) a couple years ago. I wouldn't have dreamt it getting better at all, but it did. I guess when you reach your lowest you can only go up, but i'm much higher up than I could've ever hoped for.

Apparently, I'm on the hook for $4800 because I forgot to submit a FAFSA/financial aid questionnaire so there's that. Probably hit the school up for an emergency $1800 loan to cover expenses while financial aid covers the rest later.

On the brighter side, I have a zoom interview for a position in Salt Lake City this week. Have to figure out how to move away with $800.

Is it normal for an organization to request an NDA prior to an interview?

*EDIT*

Had a Patrice O'Neal on Marc Maron moment, where I realized something in my dream thanks to Alpha Brain. I want to actually live life to the fullest all the time. An old college professor once told me that there are public and private lives. Make sure public life isn't the same as your private life. The public life, mask if you will, has crept into the private life as lines have gotten blurred thanks to my time in the church. Now I'm less than happy about everything partly due to this need to have people around who don't have some BS perception of me. Only problem with that is by not condoning 100 percent of this neo conservative mentality of looking down on everyone and standing up for myself, I wound up basically screwing myself socially so I'm kind of back to square one.

By zoabs Go To PostDoing both currently. On my like…12th different medication but I think this one works the best. On my 4th counselor and found a pricy but good one. Both are helping, but I really regret not getting it done earlier. I started extensive therapy after I first told my family about all my mental problems only a few years ago. I didn't want to worry my family though.

Finding the right counselor makes all the difference in the world. Sounds like things are looking up for you, glad to hear that.

This is always a safe place to vent as well.

I have a job interview for a business analyst position somewhere in mountain standard time sometime soon. I am underprepared for this interview due to anxiety. Hoping to get through it off sheer grit. Prep for a business analysis interview is the worst shit ever. It's too many what ifs and other scenarios to account for.

I'm 95 percent certain they don't know I'm black which could hurt me. Pray for me or wish me luck, please?

Get 5 days of extra vacation when you hit the 5 year mark at my company (jan 2016) for a total of 15 days of vacation. Apparently my official start date in the system is summer of 2010 when I did my internship. So now I got a total of 8.5 remaining vacation days through 2015 that I didn't know about. Too hyped. Could act like I don't even know about the extra 5 days and roll it over to 2016 for a total of 20. Brehs would never catch me in the office.

Indian telemarketer: "Hello, I need to talk to you about required maintenance on your Windows' computer."
Me: "Dude, get a new routine, this works on literally no one."
Him: "Alright :( "


lmao, never got that reaction before.

Update: I studied over 8 hours for what felt like nothing. Dude asked me how data I interpret in my free time and I had to come up with something on the fly. Mentioned something about my love for baseball and how I love contrasting data from the 90's to the 2000's. I was proud as shit of myself for thinking of that on the fly.

I had the shit eating grin I'm about to get some fellatio face on the whole time to keep me smiling. I asked my own question and answered it to show him that I researched the position thoroughly. This felt awkward as what type of interviewee asks an intense question and answers it by himself? Whole interview I'm talking about experiences in the past that I've had and making up flaws in current managers in my environment even though none exist.

Hoping they offer me the job so I can get that good check.

Does Slaent show my email address or should I hide it somehow?

By Furyous Go To PostDoes Slaent show my email address or should I hide it somehow?

It's hidden. Personal private data like that will never be exposed.

By Furyous Go To PostUpdate: I studied over 8 hours for what felt like nothing. Dude asked me how data I interpret in my free time and I had to come up with something on the fly. Mentioned something about my love for baseball and how I love contrasting data from the 90's to the 2000's. I was proud as shit of myself for thinking of that on the fly.

I had the shit eating grin I'm about to get some fellatio face on the whole time to keep me smiling. I asked my own question and answered it to show him that I researched the position thoroughly. This felt awkward as what type of interviewee asks an intense question and answers it by himself? Whole interview I'm talking about experiences in the past that I've had and making up flaws in current managers in my environment even though none exist.

Hoping they offer me the job so I can get that good check.

Does Slaent show my email address or should I hide it somehow?

I hope you get that job breh.

Also you were completely right about my crazy co worker eventually being found out as being crazy. She's complained her way into being a pariah at the office and my supervisor loves me. Its to the point everyone just avoids her cause she's been labeled as having a bad attitude.

By Zeus Ex Machina Go To PostI hope you get that job breh.

Also you were completely right about my crazy co worker eventually being found out as being crazy. She's complained her way into being a pariah at the office and my supervisor loves me. Its to the point everyone just avoids her cause she's been labeled as having a bad attitude.

Thanks for the support and it's great your situation worked out. My similar situation went differently during my time in a harsher environment.

Basically I worked 35+ hours a per week while averaging 18 credits a semester for five years. Was involved in 10 different organizations founding some and contributing to others 20 hours a week on top of everything else. Long story short white women at my job felt threatened by me because I had a fierce look on my face as I tried to elevate my productivity to keep my job. They cried to managers for two and half years about my attitude as another coworker joined in and made the work environment harsh. They were openly crying in front of customers talking about I think he's going to punch me in the face. Wound up getting let go at the three year four month mark and basically blackballed from working for a few years thanks to the negative recommendation.

The moral of the story is maybe I should've acquiesced to the white women's need of praise? The point is you played it the right way, kept grinding, and made sure people knew you weren't the bad guy in this scenario.

I know everyone's talking about super serious stuff here, so I hate to interrupt with this compatively superfluous stuff but I kinda need some feedback.

Heading to Portland for two weeks from the 18th to the 31st of the month.

Anyone flown Alaska airlines before? And anyone have any recommendations for cool cheap/free shit to do while in Portland? I've already got to rent a car for two weeks on my own dime, don't wanna splurge too bad while i'm there.

The last couple of months been insane. Also looking for a house in a diff state while selling one and having to move a whole bunch of stuff including pets is stressful as hell. Luckily we had help and great agents for both the selling and buying.

Im moving on monday lol

also training my future supervisor in 3 weeks as well. should be interesting as fuck

Finally getting your own digs or what.

By DY_nasty Go To PostIm moving on monday lol

also training my future supervisor in 3 weeks as well. should be interesting as fuck

DY

I'm getting that itch to move again. On a whim I decided to look at some jobs. Found this and has me intrigued as fuck http://www.indeed.com/viewjob?jk=cb5ba648aefe9782&q=microsoft+network+engineer&l=Hawaii&tk=1a1n3ltiua3i49ee&from=web

I hit pretty much every mark on there except for the Cisco certs. I've heard that they it's hard as fuck to get the time of day if you're not actually in Hawaii. I've hit my 5 years and feel like it's time to start testing the water. You or anybody you know have any experience with job hunting over there?

By Vahagn Go To PostI know everyone's talking about super serious stuff here, so I hate to interrupt with this compatively superfluous stuff but I kinda need some feedback.

Heading to Portland for two weeks from the 18th to the 31st of the month.

Anyone flown Alaska airlines before? And anyone have any recommendations for cool cheap/free shit to do while in Portland? I've already got to rent a car for two weeks on my own dime, don't wanna splurge too bad while i'm there.

I have. My only beef with AA was that my flight to Portland was delayed by 4 hours.

What kind of free stuff are you looking to do? There's Multnomah Falls and hiking at The Gorge, International Test Rose Garden in Washington Park, the Japanese Gardens, etc. etc.

By Smokey Go To PostDY

I'm getting that itch to move again. On a whim I decided to look at some jobs. Found this and has me intrigued as fuck http://www.indeed.com/viewjob?jk=cb5ba648aefe9782&q=microsoft+network+engineer&l=Hawaii&tk=1a1n3ltiua3i49ee&from=web

I hit pretty much every mark on there except for the Cisco certs. I've heard that they it's hard as fuck to get the time of day if you're not actually in Hawaii. I've hit my 5 years and feel like it's time to start testing the water. You or anybody you know have any experience with job hunting over there?

They really want you out here to begin with...

But if you're perfect, and worth the move, and you can make them believe it too then you're good.

By db Go To PostFinally getting your own digs or what.

naw, just renting another room at a place closer to the beach. there's a real chance i land this mandarin language school so im just holding out hope on that - either way, i got a good line up on other work and I'm getting better using my vet benefits so I'm saving a ton of money both ways.

I kinda forgot over the past months that I chose this life lol. I ditched the corporate idea when I was young and watching my stepmother deal with that road. She's board at a large pharma supply company and yeah she's gonna be the most successful person in her family by far but.... damn she knows she that she sacrificed a lot for that. I couldn't do what she did. At least not in the same way.

The 9-5 made my grandparents appreciate the little things in life a little bit TOO much so that was out the window. I've got too used to moving around just being juggled between my parents as a kid... I really did consciously chose to be a 21st century wanderer not just when I got in the military, but when I realized what my job was in the military and then decided to keep it/pursue it. I think my mom and dad kinda had the right idea.Finding the best ramen spot on the island (yeah, im eating like naruto get like me), being awesome at my job in a field that has no real measurables, just kinda being whoever i feel like whenever i feel like it. I got caught up comparing myself to others and forgot that all those roads have ups and downs and end goals and bullshit.

By Vahagn Go To PostI know everyone's talking about super serious stuff here, so I hate to interrupt with this compatively superfluous stuff but I kinda need some feedback.

Heading to Portland for two weeks from the 18th to the 31st of the month.

Anyone flown Alaska airlines before? And anyone have any recommendations for cool cheap/free shit to do while in Portland? I've already got to rent a car for two weeks on my own dime, don't wanna splurge too bad while i'm there.

The small AA by Horizon hopper rules. 2 seat rows. Comfy seats. Complimentary beer or wine and they tend to keep filling it.

There's great free outdoor stuff to do near Portland as reilo mentioned. I dunno, what do you typically do for fun?

Time out, DY in hawaii? How's do they treat black people out there?

Holding on for a week fasting as much as possible hoping to receive life altering information next Friday. Praying that my world changes. Need to take off ASAP for my health. Salt Lake City is not the environment I need but I need the professional portion of my life to start. Tired of college towns, dive bars, and 20 year old women.

By Furyous Go To PostTime out, DY in hawaii? How's do they treat black people out there?

Holding on for a week fasting as much as possible hoping to receive life altering information next Friday. Praying that my world changes. Need to take off ASAP for my health. Salt Lake City is not the environment I need but I need the professional portion of my life to start. Tired of college towns, dive bars, and 20 year old women.

They treat us like... well, more like people than in the rest of the US lol.

Still cant believe you made the trip to Utah man.

And yeah... I outgrew that scene too. No joke, I just found this crazy laidback jazz lounge out here. Go fucking figure right? Never thought Id be into that at all but now Im out shopping for sports jackets

DY making his slow transformation from Jazzy Jeff to Carlton.

growing up is weird

By DY_nasty Go To Postgrowing up is weird

Like when you go from thinking the home and garden channel is some boring shit to actually watching it seriously.

By db Go To PostLike when you go from thinking the home and garden channel is some boring shit to actually watching it seriously.

lol this. watching tv like
"I could definitely find a better property in atlanta with their budget... hmph"

my entire sense of style changed in one trip to the mall. wild, but i'm now that guy who's cool with two pairs of jeans for just about everything and a ton of suits in the closet that only get touched on special occasion

also, the amount of shit i need to be happy shrinks by the month

I'm going out with that girl tomorrow to see Chvrches.

Not sure how to act. I'm thinking kind of distant.

By db Go To PostLike when you go from thinking the home and garden channel is some boring shit to actually watching it seriously.

House Hunters GOAT.

This chick is seriously on quiet mode. She told her BFF that she's looking forward to tonight yet, she hasn't texted me back.


I'm done.

By Apollo Go To PostI'm done.

You'll be very happy when you find a relationship that is more respectful.

I've decided this is the last night. We're supposed to go out to a show on the 5th of next month but I am making an excuse. She's also not going to be happy when I tell her I am looking into moving out of the country.

Why do you care if she's happy about it or not, do you already.

So wait, is she bailing on you Apollo?

By reilo Go To PostSo wait, is she bailing on you Apollo?

She'll show up at the last minute at my house and say sorry and I will be cool and a bitch.

By Apollo Go To PostShe'll show up at the last minute at my house and say sorry and I will be cool and a bitch.

To be honest, it is all very hard to understand (why would you talk to her friend about a date with her, wny would grownups actually use the term "BFF", etc), but what is obvious is that you're dealing with very unhealthy emotions, both you and her.

By Gabyskra Go To PostTo be honest, it is all very hard to understand (why would you talk to her friend about a date with her, wny would grownups actually use the term "BFF", etc), but what is obvious is that you're dealing with very unhealthy emotions, both you and her.

Her friends are my friends. Shit, I talk to one of her best friends more than I talk to her.

You love being in love more than loving her tbh

By DY_nasty Go To PostYou love being in love more than loving her tbh

We dishing fortune cookie wisdom outchea, fam. :p

By DY_nasty Go To PostYou love being in love more than loving her tbh

Nah I love her.

OH CALLED IT!

She's on her way.

Didn't say you didn't. /smirk

Imma just repeat myself, do you already this shit is not working.

By Apollo Go To PostNah I love her.

OH CALLED IT!

She's on her way.

What you need to realize is you had a crappy day because you just assumed she'd cancel for some reason, when she didn't you a sign she would. Whether it's her fault our yours, we can't say. The more you talk about it here, the impression you give is that you benefit on some respect that it is a blurry relationship, that you don't know where it's going, and how much she cares about you. She shows you some distance, you threaten her that you'll move abroad, etc. We've been telling you that it's not good, but in truth, you like the drama. You'll get out of the drama when you don't like it anymore, independently of the advice you get.

She stayed the night but had to leave early because of a medical conference in DTLA. Last night was weird. Usually one of us makes an excuse as to why we have to leave. She just laid on my bed and then pulled down to sleep with her.

and she told me she almost cancelled but at the last minute her brother and her talked about what's been going on. I don't know what was said but she was definitely different last night. A lot more open. She wants me to go to this Black and White Halloween party with her.

By Apollo Go To PostShe stayed the night but had to leave early because of a medical conference in DTLA. Last night was weird. Usually one of us makes an excuse as to why we have to leave. She just laid on my bed and then pulled down to sleep with her.

and she told me she almost cancelled but at the last minute her brother and her talked about what's been going on. I don't know what was said but she was definitely different last night. A lot more open. She wants me to go to this Black and White Halloween party with her.

So y'all slept together? Good for y'all as IT'S ABOUT FUCKING TIME pun intended.

---

Today I'm officially old as shit and already hate it. I've been up for two hours trying to find the strength to go to church. Meh. Only thing I can think to do is pack my belongings and sip this 40 ounce of Corona slowly. Now I want a puppy for some strange reason.

He didn't say they co-created.