By dbBy YamabroI once had a chick tell me that our skin colors would mix well together. I made sure I bought condoms on the way to her house.
Can we have people say where they are from when they post here? I want to know the culture we are talking about.
Like I said Cali here and I don't know anyone that wouldn't date a ethnic woman.
There are parts of Cali I could see people frowning upon it. There are some areas where anything other than white would really stand out.
We all know anything above Stockton is considered Oregon.
By viakadoBy dbmaybe Sacramento, because you know, fuck that city. some crazy ass white women come from that cityBy YamabroI once had a chick tell me that our skin colors would mix well together. I made sure I bought condoms on the way to her house.
Can we have people say where they are from when they post here? I want to know the culture we are talking about.
Like I said Cali here and I don't know anyone that wouldn't date a ethnic woman.
There are parts of Cali I could see people frowning upon it. There are some areas where anything other than white would really stand out.
Wasn't thinking Sac but I was definitely thinking various towns east/north of the bay area and LA.
My Utah family might be another story tho lol.
By chertiprosMy Mother is colorist as fuck and thinks shes part of the high yellow master race but since I'm a little on the dark side I've been encouraged all my life to date white women and light skinned girls. I've been dating black girls all my life part out of spite and part because they really are the best
Going back through the thread to see if I'm the only person who has never dated outside of his race.
Like the Twilight Zone, man.
My interactions with the mother had always been cordial and I had no idea she felt this way. I never felt the same talking to and being around her after that.
*I can never remember them all without asking my older brother.
By jWILL253It all makes it difficult for someone like me to become attracted to a woman of a different race because I would be constantly second-guessing myself, as well as her… asking myself questions like "Do I like her for her, or because she's Asian? Does she see me for who I am, or for my skin color?" Idk, maybe I'm thinking too much about it…
I've never questioned if I just liked a girl I was with purely for her skin color or ethnic features. It's at times been an appealing element, though.
I'm not sure if it's necessarily bad for a girl to be, at least somewhat, interested in you for your skin color. Of course not entirely, so I guess it's a matter of extent. How much is too much? If a girl expressed, in any capacity, that dating you was cool because you're black. Would that put you on edge?
And a Hispanic chick that is dating an Arab but is 100% serious about having a Asian kid in 5 years no matter what
And thank God, because tbh white women usually do nothing for me. If that's all I was allowed to date I'd be one miserable guy.
For reference, this is what I call a "any black man will do" white woman http://youtu.be/7hIvY4uUPD4
You can just tell from her mannerisms and the way she talks about black men that literally all you have to do to catch her eye is be a hair shade darker than Obama.
While some dudes love white women like this I find this chicks attitude fucking insulting. I'm not a fetish object. Fuck off.
Never really attracted or been attracted to Asian or oriental women outside of general appreciation of beauty.
Anyone who still has an issue with interracial dating needs to get with the times. We make too many excuses as a people for racism. Then shit like Ferguson happens and we're surprised.
Now, I understand why people would want to marry into their own culture (convenience, familiarity, theoretically similar backgrounds) and I understand why historically oppressed people would have a problem with relationships with their oppressors. Jewish people with Neo-Nazi's, Black people with white people, Armenian people with Turkish people. But ultimately, all those things are just mental barriers that need to be overcome.
If you can't get to a place where you can openly allow yourself to date/fall in love with/marry anyone of any race, you have work to do. You're doing yourself and the world a disservice by holding on to those limitations.
By Vahagn Go To PostAnyone who still has an issue with interracial dating needs to get with the times. We make too many excuses as a people for racism. Then shit like Ferguson happens and we're surprised.
Now, I understand why people would want to marry into their own culture (convenience, familiarity, theoretically similar backgrounds) and I understand why historically oppressed people would have a problem with relationships with their oppressors. Jewish people with Neo-Nazi's, Black people with white people, Armenian people with Turkish people. But ultimately, all those things are just mental barriers that need to be overcome.
If you can't get to a place where you can openly allow yourself to date/fall in love with/marry anyone of any race, you have work to do. You're doing yourself and the world a disservice by holding on to those limitations.
What would you recommend that they do to "get with the times" if they have "work to do"? How would you suggest that someone overcome the barrier besides "just do it"?
"Mental barrier" is one way of putting it. I'd go with "social conditioning." Like, what if your parents threaten to not pay for college/your car or take you off the will/ihheritence, your friends will abandon you, kids disown you, etc. I think it's too easy to say "get over it" when there are a lot of people who face?http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Social_death">social death if they chose to date interracially, and I don't think that should be flippantly dismissed as minor collateral damage for upholding good moral principles.
Real talk, I know of a Pakastani woman who married a black man (she also converted to Christianity from Islam), and her family disowned her. Her father took his unforgiveness to his grave IIRC...they never reconciled. She has a better relationship with the women in her family as the father's death brought them closer, but it's still not like before, and this woman blogs about the pain of it extensively. Asking people to simply endre that kind of anguish because it's trendy, modern, or whatever...for a lot of people the ends do not justify the means.
This can happen intra-racially, too. My mother is dark skinned, and my father light. His family frowned upon mom becuase she can't pass the brown paper bag test. They been married for 31 years this June, and she NEVER had a good relationship with dad's folks.
I've go a few other allegories where an IR couple gets pregnant, and the parents aren't all warm, but coldly tolerant. After all, this might be the sole grandbaby between 3-4 kids. Maybe they'll come fully around, or maybe they'll wish their son/daughter "had better taste in mates." Like, in the Bible Belt ppl get more upset about an IR relationship than having sex/babies out of wedlock.
I've said this before, but I'll say it agian, I can't speak for anyone else, but I grew up in an environment where these things are not historical like the Holocost or segregation era, or in someplace I've never been where while and crazy stories come from (like all those people who post .gifs of Buggs Bunny sawing off Floridia when they read stories about the state though they've never been; I've visited/lived as deep as Tampa and I've never had a negative experience there). This kind of stuff comes from home for me, and is home, and is current like 2015.
I feel like this is mostly a US issue? There's no color or race in attraction, my dick (or if you're a romantic, heart) doesn't discriminate. Like why the fuck limit yourself in this short as fuck life, YO EVERYONE CAN HAVE A PIECE OF ME..HERE
please don't confuse preferences with racisms, I'd take a blondie babe over anything, even if she was blue and had tentacles.
also religion will forever be irrelevant when I'm dating someone
By Zero Tolerance Go To PostWhat would you recommend that they do to "get with the times" if they have "work to do"? How would you suggest that someone overcome the barrier besides "just do it"?
"Mental barrier" is one way of putting it. I'd go with "social conditioning." Like, what if your parents threaten to not pay for college/your car or take you off the will/ihheritence, your friends will abandon you, kids disown you, etc. I think it's too easy to say "get over it" when there are a lot of people who face?http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Social_death" target="_blank">social death if they chose to date interracially, and I don't think that should be flippantly dismissed as minor collateral damage for upholding good moral principles.
Real talk, I know of a Pakastani woman who married a black man (she also converted to Christianity from Islam), and her family disowned her. Her father took his unforgiveness to his grave IIRC...they never reconciled. She has a better relationship with the women in her family as the father's death brought them closer, but it's still not like before, and this woman blogs about the pain of it extensively. Asking people to simply endre that kind of anguish because it's trendy, modern, or whatever...for a lot of people the ends do not justify the means.
This can happen intra-racially, too. My mother is dark skinned, and my father light. His family frowned upon mom becuase she can't pass the brown paper bag test. They been married for 31 years this June, and she NEVER had a good relationship with dad's folks.
I've go a few other allegories where an IR couple gets pregnant, and the parents aren't all warm, but coldly tolerant. After all, this might be the sole grandbaby between 3-4 kids. Maybe they'll come fully around, or maybe they'll wish their son/daughter "had better taste in mates." Like, in the Bible Belt ppl get more upset about an IR relationship than having sex/babies out of wedlock.
I've said this before, but I'll say it agian, I can't speak for anyone else, but I grew up in an environment where these things are not historical like the Holocost or segregation era, or in someplace I've never been where while and crazy stories come from (like all those people who post .gifs of Buggs Bunny sawing off Floridia when they read stories about the state though they've never been; I've visited/lived as deep as Tampa and I've never had a negative experience there). This kind of stuff comes from home for me, and is home, and is current like 2015.
Re read everything you said, then replace IR with voting for a candidate you believe in. Or following your career passion. Or being gay openly. Or living in the 1700's and granting your slaves their freedom. You're either taking a stand for values that actually matter, or you're finding excuses not to. And like I said, I understand certain things that hold people back, family tension can definitely be part of it, but ultimately getting past that point is where it's at and it's where we should be going.
There are families in California that do that kind of stuff too. I'm sure it's rarer than in where you're from. But it's there. My extended family for one. Kobe's dad didn't speak to him for years because he married out of his own race.
it's all bullshit. And being open to IR isn't just trendy or modern, man. It's morally right. Clearly and without question. I mean it's not about forcing yourself to date outside your own race just to "be hip". It's about doing so because you'd never let yourself fall into racially biased ways of thinking.
Getting "over it" is whatever it takes for you get over it. Courage, counseling, religion, experience. Whatever. If you can't trust any men because something happened to you as a child. Everyone can understand and attempt to empathize with that. Most decent people understand that things happen to people's way of thinking that are brought upon by traumas. Especially at a young age. But even then it's unquestionable, it seems to me, that finding a way to get over that mental barrier whether through counseling, religion, or any other means is a better outcome than holding on to those resentments/mental blocks for your entire life.
As far as where you're from, this may sound dickish. But I have little or no patience for that shit. We've had to deal with the Bible Belt holding back our progress on racial and social issues and after ~250 years of that shit, enough's enough. Yes, get with the times. Anyone discriminating in IR (or anything) because of people's melanin levels being higher or the brown paper bag test can go fuck themselves.
Then I moved on to another message board that no longer exists (DotaCash) in 2010-2012ish. Mostly made of Asians...Koreans, specifically. I might have been the only black dude active on the forums when it was at one time the most popular DotA site/bot host in North America. When the topic of IR dating came up there, someone straight up said that black women were nasty, citing the CDC study that half of all black women have herpes.
http://www.theroot.com/articles/culture/2010/03/nearly_half_of_black_women_have_herpes.html
It's interesting how it's always black women. Even partially-black women (Brazillian) don't get that much hate. Asians and Latinas don't get the same disdain even from other races. Zora Neale Hurston was right: "De nigguh woman is de mule of de world."
I lurk on TheologyWeb.com from time to time...they're how I keep tabs on GOP/reactionary types, but progressives go there too because they like debate, I guess. I don't think the topic has come up.
But yeah, basically everywhere I've been IRL and on the internet (where saying "black women are ugly" isn't a bannable offense) has not been very...encouraging. When I come here or on Gaf, I wonder if I'm the one who has lived in the twilight zone or its actually places like this that are in the minority.
Although to be fair, Nashville itself is very open and liberal, and is home to plenty of interracial families, but still the south. I've dated across a pretty wide range of people, and most of my more serious relationships have been outside of either my race or color.
By Zero Tolerance Go To PostHmm, from 2004-2008ish, I participated on a private football message board about the same size as this one (in terms of population/traffic) where the demographics were the reverse of this board. I think only one dude found black women attractive who wasn't black himself. The rest thought black women to be ugly.
Then I moved on to another message board that no longer exists (DotaCash) in 2010-2012ish. Mostly made of Asians…Koreans, specifically. I might have been the only black dude active on the forums when it was at one time the most popular DotA site/bot host in North America. When the topic of IR dating came up there, someone straight up said that black women were nasty, citing the CDC study that half of all black women have herpes.
http://www.theroot.com/articles/culture/2010/03/nearly_half_of_black_women_have_herpes.html
It's interesting how it's always black women. Even partially-black women (Brazillian) don't get that much hate. Asians and Latinas don't get the same disdain even from other races. Zora Neale Hurston was right: "De nigguh woman is de mule of de world."
I lurk on TheologyWeb.com from time to time…they're how I keep tabs on GOP/reactionary types, but progressives go there too because they like debate, I guess. I don't think the topic has come up.
But yeah, basically everywhere I've been IRL and on the internet (where saying "black women are ugly" isn't a bannable offense) has not been very…encouraging. When I come here or on Gaf, I wonder if I'm the one who has lived in the twilight zone or its actually places like this that are in the minority.
The internet is a pretty shitty place as far as being a decent human being goes. And liberalism is a minority anyway. Always will be. Because it's always pushing society past a point it's comfortable with. Once society gets comfortable liberalism moves on to the next cause. Then like 30 years later more people catch up.
Unfortunately race is something that's stubborn as fucking shit. Every inch of ground gained is met with an army of people defending against the next inch.
Sacramento doesn't have a Chinatown. It has a SEA pocket (mainly vietnamese and filipino) and some parts of the southern county that are higher in black population, but most of the neighborhoods are mixed. There are pockets of Russian life here now, but that's the only real change in the past 20 years. There isn't a lot of "towns" of ethnic basis. It's just all mixed in. Cats and dogs living together.
Of course, there's still racists and backwards parts of the county. My mother dealt with the issue with my Grandmother disapproving of who she dated because of his race. It causes difficulties, but it's not a big issue with the city as much as an issue with older generations.
Other than that, I've lived in Santa Cruz (WHITE AS FUCK), East Bay (diverse) and right beside San Francisco.
I've never really cared about or processed racial differences. I knew there would be cultural differences and I've dated other races, but it never meant much to me. I have had the other family take issue with their daughter dating another race, and that has caused issues, but I tried to just ignore it if it doesn't matter to the person themselves. I know it can still make things complicated though.
The end thing is that I find it difficult enough as is to find someone I can merely stand to be around, and bonus points, enjoy being around. I don't need other barriers that mean nothing in the eyes of time.
By Apollo Go To PostI once had a chick tell me that our skin colors would mix well together. I made sure I bought condoms on the way to her house.
I wish. Almost makes me want to cry thinking about how impossible this was when I was growing up.
Indirectly related to this topic, but to provide a better context of the environment where I was raised, I distinctly remember a story of how the son of the secretary at my dad's office was murdered. "Lynched" would be a more accurate term, but this was before one could prosecute on the grounds of "hate crime."
It was suspected that her son was gay (closeted); he was kidnapped and burned alive in the trunk of a car. His mother was never the same after that. This story was used not necessarily as a deterrent, but also a gesture to exercise caution for my brother and myself to be mindful of whom we have relations with in the Deep South.
Combined with the fact that Michael Donald was lynched in my hometown in 1981 (anyone visiting my home city, I could show them the exact tree from which he hung), these things run fresh in the minds of those who grew up where I did within the community. Go to a school that's 98% white and you're bombarded with information that says white girls are death wishes.
So when Vahagn says "just do it," I'm like, this dude didn't grow up going to school where people wore confederate flags for belt buckles and such, or ever feared for his life just to be curious.
But you didn't present it as - possible life or death. You presented it as, frowned upon in society. Like voting for Obama or something.
By Vahagn Go To PostDude, If you think "be down with getting lynched" is what I was arguing. I wasn't. Not even close.
But you didn't present it as - possible life or death. You presented it as, frowned upon in society. Like voting for Obama or something.
You never really know which you might be faced with until you take the plunge and reap the consequences (if any).
By Script Kiddies LLC Go To PostI'll smash any woman but I could never take a woman outside of African diaspora seriously, because being black is so integral to me as a person, that an inability to relate to me culturally means you'll understand me maybe 60% of the way, which aint really good enough.That assumes that all black people are brought up the same and most of all value their culture the same. Far from true. You could find your nubian queen and everything about her could check all of your boxes - but if she doesn't actually give a damn about it all you've got nothing to connect with outside of appearance.
you never know what some people will bring to the table in a relationship until you get to know them
By Dark PhaZe Go To Postits not all about skin–my ex and best friend is white and she understood and completed me more than people have in my own familypreach... You know you're on to something when you find your values and desired values change as you move through a relationship with someone. There was a time not too long ago when I valued loyalty and honesty above all else. I now feel that those are very shallow things when held up alone.
you never know what some people will bring to the table in a relationship until you get to know them
By DY_nasty Go To PostThat assumes that all black people are brought up the same and most of all value their culture the same. Far from true. You could find your nubian queen and everything about her could check all of your boxes - but if she doesn't actually give a damn about it all you've got nothing to connect with outside of appearance.
And that woman would get knocked out the running, because I have run across some who pretty much run as far as they can from their blackness and assume since I'm educated and well paid I'm cut from that cloth, but I grew up in the projects and the streets, so that's always gonna be a core part of who I am.
By DY_nasty Go To Postpreach… You know you're on to something when you find your values and desired values change as you move through a relationship with someone. There was a time not too long ago when I valued loyalty and honesty above all else. I now feel that those are very shallow things when held up alone.
Loyalty (faithfulness; fidelity) and honesty are shallow? What could possibly be more important in a relationship?
By Zero Tolerance Go To PostLoyalty (faithfulness; fidelity) and honesty are shallow? What could possibly be more important in a relationship?Loyalty by itself is shallow. I'd trade it for accountability a thousand times over. Someone who knows and understands you well enough to push you forward, stop you, and give you a unfiltered perspective through through words and actions is more important than simple stickbythemnomatterwhat. It has weight... knowing that someone will drop you or lose real respect that can't be regained should you fall too far off your path or the mutual one.
Someone that will be at your side forever doesn't mean a thing if they're dead weight or nothing more than a cheerleader.
Honesty is more complicated and I probably should've elaborated more. Basically, if people lie to themselves, then how much is their honesty towards you really worth? And tbh, its harder dealing with shit like that than actual straight up lies.
depending on who I'm talking to.Never really get into why they ask tho
By DY_nasty Go To PostLoyalty by itself is shallow. I'd trade it for accountability a thousand times over. Someone who knows and understands you well enough to push you forward, stop you, and give you a unfiltered perspective through through words and actions is more important than simple stickbythemnomatterwhat. It has weight… knowing that someone will drop you or lose real respect that can't be regained should you fall too far off your path or the mutual one.
Someone that will be at your side forever doesn't mean a thing if they're dead weight or nothing more than a cheerleader.
Honesty is more complicated and I probably should've elaborated more. Basically, if people lie to themselves, then how much is their honesty towards you really worth? And tbh, its harder dealing with shit like that than actual straight up lies.
I see.
And yes, I agree. Accountability is very important.