The Gang Ruins The National Basketball Association

Episode Summary:
This year on It's Always Slummy Sam Hinkie (played by Danny Devito) entices the gang to join his basketball team with promise of glory. Dennis (played by Michael Carter Williams) sees the complete lack of talent on the roster after the first game and immediately decides to throw aside team basketball and showcase his talents in hopes to be traded in the near future. Mac (played by Nerlens Noel) buys into Sam's plan and despite a complete lack of offensive ability, is able to compensate on defense where his excitement actually does some good. Charlie ( played by Luc Mbah a Moute) is utterly lost due to his illiteracy but demands the ball frequently to try and fool his teammates. Dee (played by Joel Embiid) is overjoyed at the opportunity of playing but is sidelined when she becomes injured before the first game and spends her time sulking on the sidelines. It is revealed in the last act that Sam simply put this team together to fail so he may acquire some actual talent in the draft. Upon figuring out his scheme the gang rallies together, determined to prove Sam wrong. They finish the season with the league's worst record. The episode closes with Sam standing next to Allen Iverson at lottery night where Philadelphia lucks into the 4th overall pick in the draft. Cut to black.






Eastern Conference

November Record: 0-16
They're dead Jim.

November Record: 3-14
Most people thought they'd be doing better with SVJ running things, but it hasn't paid off yet. Of course this is just year one, you can expect Detroit to have their fingers crossed come lotto night.

November Record: 4-14
What the fuck happened?

November Record: 4-14
You could blame their struggles on the triangle, or complete lack of talent. You could blame their record on their coach's learning curve, or forcing their players into a system instead of building a system around their players. You could say they're terrible because they haven't had Phil around long enough, or that they are where they are because Dolan's been around too long. Or you could save your breath and say they're The Knicks.

November Record:4-10
They started off alright, they started November above .500 and then had 3 3-game losing streaks.


November Record: 7-12
Magic are playing better than most expected and aren't totally out of the playoff race just yet. With that said they could just as easily sink and re-join the basement dwellers of the league.

November Record: 6-9
Hollins has The Nets playing a tedious style of basketball that may not even ensure a playoff berth, what's the point?

November Record: 7-10
Indiana was expected to be God awful after losing Paul George to injury and Lance Stephenson to free agency, and sometimes they are. But other times, albeit not as frequently, they are alright.

November Record: 9-8
Wade has already missed a handful of games, The year of The Bosh started strong and tapered off to average. They still can't rebound and don't have the best player in the league to rely on anymore. If not for the cushy Eastern Conference Wade would be in a suit in June...he probably will be anyway but in our reality The Heat will still be playing.

November Record: 8-7
The team hasn't clicked just yet and without a a defensive presence in the middle you can expect them to continue to struggle. Lebron proved yet again that nothing good can come from returning home.

November Record:10-8
Another unexpected team, The Bucks, have put together a respectable season. I haven't watched many Bucks basketball games because they're The Bucks, so I can't comment much further.

November Record: 9-6
Improving on a surprisingly decent season last year, Atlanta may give someone a tough out in the playoffs and no one in Atlanta will know.

November Record: 11-6
Rose is hurt again. Now if you're reading this a few months from now don't be shocked if this is still accurate.

November Record: 10-5
The addition of Paul Pierce seems to be working out. I guess the problem with a team of Wall, Nene and Gortat was that they're weren't soft enough.

November Record: 13-4
They're #1 in The East. With Demar down they've lost some of their lead over Washington and it's hard seeing them keep their seeding without him.










Western Conference

November Record: 4-13
Julius Randle is done for the season. The world is a cold, dark place.

November Record: 4-11
Martin, Pek and Rubio are out due to injury and The Wolves have stumbled as a result. They weren't expected to be a playoff team but now they may be a lotto team.

November Record: 5-12
Russ is back and brought a W with him. KD will be back soon and OKC's rush to the playoffs begins. It's likely to be one of the best running storylines this season.

November Record: 5-12
Hayward has been great, Utah has not. Their young guards seem to be unable to reach the reasonable level of competency expected of them so far this season.

November Record: 7-8
Anthony Davis is putting together an MVP season, but unfortunately New Orleans front office put together a shaky roster.

November Record: 8-8
Brian Shaw can't coach.

November Record: 9-8
Cousins is another player who might be in the MVP mix come season's end. Sacramento has looked playoff ready at times, but only when Cousins is on the floor.

November Record: 10-8
While currently being in playoff position, they seem like a likely candidate to be bounced if and when OKC rallies back later this season. The addition of Thomas seems be working but they still lack a top tier player to get them to the next level.

November Record: 11-5
Griffin CP3 and even Crawford have done their part but their putrid bench lies in wait to spoil their playoff run.

November Record: 13-5
I just wonder how you can expect to continue to win when Jameer Nelson plays 25 minutes a game.

November Record: 12-4
After a rough start to the season San Antonio righted the ship and look somewhat like the well oiled machine we saw last year.

November Record: 13-4
Dwight's out with a busted knee and Harden has been forced to play crappy D instead of his usual shitty D.

November Record: 13-4
Their bench is still iffy but they've been able to get positive minutes out of Chris Kaman. You can't take that away from them.

November Record: 14-2
Riding a 9 game win streak into December off the backs of Steph and Klay. The latter performing at levels not many believed he could.

November Record: 15-2
Marc Gasol is having an amazing season. He's on a short list of players who should be considered for MVP, his team is well built and they're currently sitting atop the entire league. He's certainly leaving this offseason to spearhead a rebuilding effort in his 30s.
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