SLAENT 2015-'16 Yahoo NFL Fantasy Football Play or Die League (Season 2) Thread

By Moris Go To PostI know nothing about the NFL, but I'll join if you need another body.

By Gabyskra Go To PostI'm excited.

The first thing you should know is that Thomas Wilson's last name isn't actually Wilson. It has been changed to provide anonymity, but I bring it up because I want to assure you that everything else you are about to read is true.

Thomas is the commissioner of a 12-team re-draft league based in Indiana, formed by school buddies in 2008. It's a job he takes seriously. As he explains, "Hundreds of emails a week, even during the offseason … it's a real league." It's a league filled with traditions, including the fact that the winner gets to choose the draft location the next year. As champion the year of our story, Thomas had chosen a remote cabin in the woods.

I get it, Thomas. Draft day is serious business. Can't be distracted by anything else that weekend. Not other friends, not romantic partners, not one of your league members in jail.

Wait, what?

"Yeah," Thomas said, "a few months before the draft, we found out that one of our members got into a bit of a legal scuffle. He was pleading guilty to a charge that carried with it a three-year mandatory minimum sentence."

OK, Thomas, that's not a "bit of a legal scuffle." A bit of a legal scuffle is a speeding ticket. A bit of a legal scuffle is a cop yelling at you and threatening to arrest you. A bit of a legal scuffle is trying to figure out how to tell your wife you watched two episodes of "Big Brother" without her and then deleted them. (She doesn't read my column, you guys, so mum's the word, OK?)

"Well," Thomas continued, "'Either way, there was a fundamental misunderstanding over the legality of certain controlled substances and, most importantly, Guy's (not his real name) sentencing hearing was the day before our draft."

Well.

A meeting was quickly called of the Council of Elders, a subgroup within the league, to decide on a course of action. Obviously, they had to notify the league in a tactful way, and a modification of the constitution began to allow for caretaker managers.

But Thomas, well, Thomas is one of us. A fantasy football player. A commish. A fanatic.

And he did what we all do. What you're doing right now. He researched. And researched. And researched some more. Poring over the state's Department of Corrections website to see how lineup changes could possibly be made from jail. Weekly phone calls? Letters? Do they get email access?

But Thomas didn't stop there. No, he kept reading. Every inch of the website, every piece of information he could find. This was his league mate he was talking about. This was his draft day. And he is the commissioner.

It took a while, but Thomas found out that the three-year sentence for this crime could actually be served in any way the judge sees fit. Three years in jail, two years in jail and one year home detention … completely up to the judge's discretion.

So … you're saying there's a chance?

"Yeah," Thomas continued, "But a slim one. The prosecutors were pushing hard for all jail time, and even his own lawyer was saying he's getting at least a year in the slammer. No way around it."

But you don't become the commissioner of a league by taking the easy way out. Or taking "no" at face value. So Thomas knew that if he wanted, he could write a letter to the judge on Guy's behalf, asking for leniency. If the judge wants, he can consider such letters in making his/her decision.

It's not an easy letter to write, of course. It could wind up in public record with his name on it, and it's a long shot.

But, as Thomas says: "Of course I had to write the letter. Not because he's a good guy who just screwed up, although that's true. Not because some of our country's laws are screwed up, although they are. No, I had to write the letter because I'm the commissioner, and this incarceration was going to totally screw up our league."

So Thomas wrote the letter. His wife is a public defender, so she gave Thomas strategic advice on exactly what kind of language to use. Writing and rewriting, making sure every word was carefully considered and every phrase was strong, Thomas did draft after draft. "I poured my soul onto that page," he remembers.

Draft weekend comes soon and the league has gathered, ratifying the new constitution that involved a convoluted autodraft scheme for Guy when suddenly, an email pops up to the league.

"I'm coming to the draft. I need a ride."

It was Guy!

He had gotten three years' home detention, no jail time. And the detention wouldn't start for another two weeks, so he could attend the draft in person.

And are you ready for this?

The judge, in rendering his lenient judgment, read Thomas' entire letter from the bench as justification!

"When Guy got to the cabin, he told us that as soon the hearing was over, his parents walked up, embraced him and then had one simple question, uttered with a bewildered sense of urgency: 'Who wrote that letter? He said he knew you and your family, and we've never even heard of him.'"

"Oh him? He's my fantasy football commissioner."

You're damn right he is.

And for his part, Thomas doesn't think he lied about the part that referenced family. "After exchanging hundreds of emails a week for half a decade, including some of the most personally offensive insults imaginable, I truly believe there is no closer social relationship than that forged by a proper fantasy league."

By Gabyskra Go To PostWell, then let's vote on whether or not we want an auction system.

By The Frankman Go To PostLeague is now full. Payments Deadline as stated in e-mail is a day before the Draft.

By Vivalabanter Go To PostGuess it's unlikely at this stage but if you do end up needing an extra person I'd like to play.

By Furyous Go To PostDidn't I sign up for this? Haven't gotten an email yet… Let me check my inbox:

OH, sorry guys let me hit that pay button real quick.

By The Frankman Go To PostYou kinda didn't tell me your name and team info when you signed. I emailed the league on Yahoo a week ago.

By Furyous Go To PostOh, well about that… I just paid dues. First name starts with J and ends with an n. My team name is Los Phuckboys.

By The Frankman Go To PostDon't have a record of this via Yahoo and didn't receive any e-mail confirmation from PayPal yet. Can you just tell me what the name of the team from the Yahoo League site is? Giving it to me here does nothing since you didn't change it on Yahoo. Nobody's name there begins with J and ends with n.

By Furyous Go To PostThe name of the team is Los Fuqboys (subject to change as the season starts)

Just so I'm clear I'm talking about this league:

No Quitters (Season 7) (ID# 9567)

By The Frankman Go To PostWrong league, that's the GAF league that Ubertag is running. Type "fantasy football No Quitters" in the forum on GAF to find it. This league is the SLAENT Fantasy Football Play or Die League.

By Enron Go To Postuhh…..do we have people paid up yet? Draft is this weekend!

By Gabyskra Go To PostWhy is it called Play or die btw? A bit over the top, no?

What's your plan for tomorrow with only 11 owners with dues paid?
Shrink the league down from 16 teams (we ran with 14 last season), delay the draft beyond the planned 8:30pm / 5:30pm start time tomorrow or both?
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We have 12 now, and I have at least 6 waitlisters who have been asking me if they can join last 3 days. I'm contacting ALL the waitlisters now, and I will kick out nonpaying owners in an hour. Whomever responds with payment first gets in.

If by tomorrow we have only I'll run with that, but I REALLY want 16. No draft delays… I gave people notice since friggin' early July. More than enough time to at least send an e-mail/register on a forum.

By Gabyskra Go To PostWhy should the best scoring non playoff teams make money when say, the 5th team, who might have totaled more points, would get nothing?

By Gabyskra Go To PostI think it should be best scoring team out of all teams that are not in the top 4. If I end up 5th with more points than the 9th and he gets money, I would be so mad.