2015 NBA April |OT| CP3, Left Hand Red

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The New York Knicks Give The City Hope

The Knicks have reached a franchise record 60 losses recently, and there's a buzz around the city. Phil Jackson was brought in to turn things around for The Knickerbockers, but he has done so much more. It's no news that times are indeed hard for the average American, and that truth is just as clear in The Big Apple as anywhere else. But one glance at this pathetic Knicks team and you can't help but feel better about your own plight.

Local New Yoker "rapper" Papoose had this to say, "Ya know, when Phil got here I knew great things were ahead, but I couldn't have pictured this, it's a blessing. My last album sold like 8,000 copies nah'mean, so like fuck, I had to ship every last one of them bitches out myself between my shifts at the diner, but then I check out The Knicks and shit, who are these people? Heroes, that's who."

Earlier this week a man perched atop a building threatening to jump was talked down when police handed him footage of Knicks forward https://vine.co/v/OYWOBOzg7jm">Lou Amundson airballing a wide open lay up

Bystanders at the scene also showed appreciation for the unholy mound of excrement that is this year's Knicks team. "Oh yea, they've helped me when I was low. My wife and I split late last year around the same time I lost my job due to a subtance abuse issue, it was really hard on the kids and myself but we've since bounced back. I showed my kids a recent Knicks game and they teared up at first and asked where Carmelo was. But something clicked when they saw him on the bench clearly in a worse place than we were. They looked at his sad chubby face and held my hand and said 'daddy we're gonna be alright'. Thanks Phil, you're doing the lord's work."

Eastern Conference

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Noel has realized a bit of his potential and is playing some good defense. So what if everytime he jumps Philly fans have to perform stations of the cross, he has with very little help, forced Philly into a better(see:worse) standing than many anticipated. A more seasoned Noel + a healthy Embiid next season should be pretty entertaining to watch in suits on the bench.

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Elfrid Payton has averaged 13pts-8ast-6rbd in March, numbers over his season average all while shooting at a better clip. Aaron Gordon on the other hand has somehow regressed late in the season. He is on a pretty short leash, only gets ~15 minutes of play time and at 19 years old I doubt Orlando are too upset about his play. Oladipo has built on a solid rookie season and has improved pretty much across the board. Orlando is young enough to expect a bettter record next season on just the development of their current players, hitting with their upcoming pick would no doubt be a boon to their growth.

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Detroit is just outside of the 7th/8th eastern conference playoff fight. Reggie Jackson is starting to gel better with the roster there, but losing Greg Monroe this offseason almost seems like a guarantee. Drummond may be poised to make a leap next season, and if Jennings can be re-intergrated into this new Pistons team successfully or traded for a good piece, don't be shocked to see Detroit join next season's slap-fight to be bounced in the first round.

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Hornets were 2 games over .500 at the end of last season, a mark they can not reach this season even if they go undefeated until the playoffs. This should teach DY to stop messing with that dark troll magic, but it won't.

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Without Paul George, Indiana has still managed to be in position to make the playoffs, so that's kinda cool.

http://i.imgur.com/ylmbj8M.png

Celtdicks am so close to playoff.........Uahahahah diehard.......bosston am Young & Smart. Hawks will loss to Avery Bradley. Never doubt lion of a champion, What say Slaent? #Papangu

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The Nets are 8-2 in their last 10, in that sample only Golden State has a higher winning percentage. It was a pretty favorable stretch including games against Philly, Minnesota and LA. They were also able to get wins over fellow treadmill squads Indiana and Charlotte.

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Wade's health is still shit and Whiteside might be in need of mental help or is just a giant asshole. The season hasn't gone well for Miami, adding more games to Deng, Birdman and Wade's legs with no hope of playoff advancement might be the worst part of all. A tough first round sweep exit is probably the worst outcome Miami could hope for if their older guys leave it all on the court.

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MCW is trash regardless of situation it turns out, but with Chicago in the hospital and Toronto being underwhelming, they could very well see the 2nd round of the playoffs.

http://i.imgur.com/bVjkocJ.png

I'm sure they'll turn it around in time for a playoff push. APRIL FOOLS.

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Raptors are 14 games over .500 and will have HCA in the playoffs. APRIL FOOLS...wait, what....wait the fuck.

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Thib's "Hamster-Wheel" minute distribution among his starters is still in effect, Rose is back in practice preparing for his next knee injury and yet they still could end up in the Eastern Conference Finals. What a time to be a fraud.

http://i.imgur.com/Xv02LtK.png

Lebron James is still pretty good at basketball, Kyrie Irving is also kinda good at basketball. Kevin Love is being used pretty ineffectively, really begs the question, how much money is enough to be treated poorly in one of America's worst cities?

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Atlanta has the #1 seed locked up and are coasting to the playoffs with the top down.

Western Conference

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Their best players have been hurt most of the season, Wiggins looks like Rookie of The Year, Lavine ain't shit. Minnesota could add a difference maker to Rubio-Wiggins-Pek core this draft and snatch that 9th seed next season.

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Jordan Clarkson is the only bright spot in LA's season thus far, since the all-star break the 46th pick in last year's draft has averaged 15pt-5ast-4rb with 48FG%, the only other rookie point guard producing at this level is the 10th overall pick Elfrid Payton. Nevertheless LA as a whole hasn't been terrible enough to guarantee that they'll keep their pick in this draft

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Sacramento has the 6th worst record in the league and would be wise not to win too many more games before the end of the season.

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No one cares.

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Utah has played awesome defense lately, turns out when you're not playing Kanter 27 minutes a game you can play pretty great defense. Exum looks like a bust more and more each month, but Gobert looks legit. #SunRiseSunSet

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Phoenix hasn't been so hot. Essentially eliminated from the playoff race, losing Dragic has turned the speed down on their treadmill.

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Nola will likely miss the playoffs despite Anthony Davis having an amazing season. Their win now attitude was a total miscalculation, and completely unnecessary with their best player being 22 years old.

http://i.imgur.com/GzVKYRQ.png

Durant's season is done and Ibaka's might as well be. They'll end up curb stomped by Golden State in the first round. Durant's injury has added tons of question marks for him, his career and next season. Dongo might cry in the car.

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Rajon Rondo is shooting .362(25 of 69) from the charity stripe.

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Spurs have entered 'Playoff Mode', Houston still has a few more games to dodge them and get the 2nd seed.

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The Clippers have the same problem that they had to begin the season, their bench is trash, but that'll probably improve in the playoffs. APRIL FOOLS.

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Losing Wes really put a damper on Portland and their playoff push, the addition of Afflalo has helped alleviate some of the woes, but he's no Wes.

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Dwight's back with a pretty strict minute restriction averaging 18 mpg in the last 3 games he participated in. Houston is not planning to play him on the 2nd of back to backs, he's likely to miss 3+ more games before the playoffs start. Houston might make noise in the playoffs, Harden has kept the team afloat, but McHale is still the head coach of The Houston Rockets.

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Memphis has been somewhat lackluster to finish out the season....that's about it.

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The Warriors have the #1 seed locked up and they are resting players for their playoff push. OKC about to get this work.