A difference between guys and girls that I don't really quite understand.
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Just a small difference I've been noticing: Girls generally don't want to be in a group where they're the only girl there. This is something that the bible study I go to is having issues with. Not that many girls are usually there, so as a result, girls don't feel as welcome to come and it ends up being a bit of a sausagefest. It's kind of a catch 22.
On the flip side, I know as a guy that guys really like lopsided gender ratio situations where they're the only or one of the only guys there.
I don't quite understand this socially, the only explanation I can kind of come up with is a faux evolutionary psychology explanation where women see groups of only males as threatening.
Any women here or knowledgeable men care to share some insight?
On the flip side, I know as a guy that guys really like lopsided gender ratio situations where they're the only or one of the only guys there.
I don't quite understand this socially, the only explanation I can kind of come up with is a faux evolutionary psychology explanation where women see groups of only males as threatening.
Any women here or knowledgeable men care to share some insight?
I think this has to do with a specific situation with a specific demographic. If this is a Bible study, she's probably concerned with appearances of modesty.
In secular circles, I have yet to encounter the female (single) who did not want to be the center of attention.
In secular circles, I have yet to encounter the female (single) who did not want to be the center of attention.
By Zero ToleranceIn secular circles, I have yet to encounter the female (single) who did not want to be the center of attention.That's a bullshit generlization if I ever saw one.
By reiloIt's his life experience, how can it be bs? It's a valid perspective to add to my limited life experience. Your thoughts would also be appreciated.By Zero ToleranceIn secular circles, I have yet to encounter the female (single) who did not want to be the center of attention.That's a bullshit generlization if I ever saw one.
By Cannonball AdderleyJust a small difference I've been noticing: Girls generally don't want to be in a group where they're the only girl there. This is something that the bible study I go to is having issues with. Not that many girls are usually there, so as a result, girls don't feel as welcome to come and it ends up being a bit of a sausagefest. It's kind of a catch 22.Would girls who like to hang around dudes because girls "gossip too much" or are "too much drama" count?
By Cannonball AdderleyIts a valid bad generalization lolBy reiloIt's his life experience, how can it be bs? It's a valid perspective to add to my limited life experience. Your thoughts would also be appreciated.By Zero ToleranceIn secular circles, I have yet to encounter the female (single) who did not want to be the center of attention.That's a bullshit generlization if I ever saw one.
By RBKyeah but I'm not sure how much they count lol.By Cannonball AdderleyJust a small difference I've been noticing: Girls generally don't want to be in a group where they're the only girl there. This is something that the bible study I go to is having issues with. Not that many girls are usually there, so as a result, girls don't feel as welcome to come and it ends up being a bit of a sausagefest. It's kind of a catch 22.Would girls who like to hang around dudes because girls "gossip too much" or are "too much drama" count?
i dunno about a bible thing but fair number of women i know don't want to be in groups with other women. Also here in Houston if you see 1 girl and 3+ guys in a group there's one thing in common. Which ever guy that looks like her brother is the one she's dating
Certain girls are okay with being the only girl or being outnumbered by men. It's up to the individual and their experience.
Anecdote based observation: men do tend to care less from my experience about the surrounding genders.
SUPER DISCO ARMCHAIR PSYCHE SOCIOLOJO... Reasons why: As stated, likely their personal experience. Likely how they were socialized when growing up. An only girl in a bevy of brothers probably feels safer around men than an only child.
There's a lot of information (false and true, useful and harmful) going around that breeds fear towards men despite statistics for violent crime and incidents happening more often towards men than women. Perhaps since we send men towards a more brutal life, women who are not socialized around many men tend to see the brutality occurring towards and around males and translates their harm as a male property, and this property then becomes their view upon the quality of all males.
It's almost like a bullet proof vest is non-violent, but if you saw someone wearing one then you may see them as violent or find it to be a violent situation. If you saw a bullet proof vest in a room then suddenly the room feels tense to the individual. However, the vest is not an object of harm. It is the object harm is done towards.
Anecdote based observation: men do tend to care less from my experience about the surrounding genders.
SUPER DISCO ARMCHAIR PSYCHE SOCIOLOJO... Reasons why: As stated, likely their personal experience. Likely how they were socialized when growing up. An only girl in a bevy of brothers probably feels safer around men than an only child.
There's a lot of information (false and true, useful and harmful) going around that breeds fear towards men despite statistics for violent crime and incidents happening more often towards men than women. Perhaps since we send men towards a more brutal life, women who are not socialized around many men tend to see the brutality occurring towards and around males and translates their harm as a male property, and this property then becomes their view upon the quality of all males.
It's almost like a bullet proof vest is non-violent, but if you saw someone wearing one then you may see them as violent or find it to be a violent situation. If you saw a bullet proof vest in a room then suddenly the room feels tense to the individual. However, the vest is not an object of harm. It is the object harm is done towards.
By Cannonball AdderleyBy reiloIt's his life experience, how can it be bs? It's a valid perspective to add to my limited life experience. Your thoughts would also be appreciated.By Zero ToleranceIn secular circles, I have yet to encounter the female (single) who did not want to be the center of attention.That's a bullshit generlization if I ever saw one.
It's his board. He's allowed to ****post when he wants.
I did say "I have yet to encounter."
Being the only girl somewhere sucks depending on the crowd, mostly not self-selected. You get way too much attention. You're assumed to be either the voice of women everywhere or completely out of touch depending on the agenda of the person listening. And basically you're often presumed to be whiny, bitchy or whatever when you find the group is completely insensitive or ignorant to the idea of women being individual people.
Even this thread is already annoying me. The generalizations thrown out about who we like to hang around with more or why. Once again ignoring the fact that each woman is a different person.
Even this thread is already annoying me. The generalizations thrown out about who we like to hang around with more or why. Once again ignoring the fact that each woman is a different person.
By Zero ToleranceBy Cannonball AdderleyBy reiloIt's his life experience, how can it be bs? It's a valid perspective to add to my limited life experience. Your thoughts would also be appreciated.By Zero ToleranceIn secular circles, I have yet to encounter the female (single) who did not want to be the center of attention.That's a bullshit generlization if I ever saw one.
It's his board. He's allowed to ****post when he wants.
I did say "I have yet to encounter."
bruh
By Zero Toleranceso in two days you knowingly post some off the wall shit for effectBy Cannonball AdderleyBy reiloIt's his life experience, how can it be bs? It's a valid perspective to add to my limited life experience. Your thoughts would also be appreciated.By Zero ToleranceIn secular circles, I have yet to encounter the female (single) who did not want to be the center of attention.That's a bullshit generlization if I ever saw one.
It's his board. He's allowed to ****post when he wants.
I did say "I have yet to encounter."
1st time around its 'acting black' followed by 'i went to an hbcu so i know how damaging stuff like that can be'
today its 'let me make a generalization' followed by 'i know its a generalization though'
why you want me to be the jackass in this so bad man? lol
All I know is threads like these are something I'd like to see less of tbqh. It's basically more that other place esque shit with the "why women ____" crap. Get to know some and shut the fuck up already.
By dbAll I know is threads like these are something I'd like to see less of tbqh. It's basically more that other place esque shit with the "why women ____" crap. Get to know some and shut the fuck up already.
Talk to 'em.
By Zero ToleranceBy Cannonball AdderleyBy reiloIt's his life experience, how can it be bs? It's a valid perspective to add to my limited life experience. Your thoughts would also be appreciated.By Zero ToleranceIn secular circles, I have yet to encounter the female (single) who did not want to be the center of attention.That's a bullshit generlization if I ever saw one.
It's his board. He's allowed to ****post when he wants.
I did say "I have yet to encounter."
Really? If this was a different board, you'd already be done. Fact is you said something that is a grand generalization and went to some 'it's his board' shit when called out on it. Just realize it's a generalization and stereotype. Just because you preface a statement with 'it's my experience' doesn't mean it isn't a generalization. 'My experience is all Jews are greedy and only care about money'. 'My experience is all black folks are lazy and just want that government check'. Really bruh?
I think etiolation stated it best. I believe it really just depends on how you grew up and your own personal experiences. When it comes to being the only girl, it could probably be really intimidating. But then again (to my knowledge) 100% of the people posting in here are men so that's rather limiting on the type of experiences being expressed.
I've never felt intimidated being the only guy, but it definitely makes me feel a little more self-conscious at the beginning. However, I can feel intimidated by being in a new group or situation where every new face is male. I chalk that up to feeling more comfortable where women are present or are in leadership roles, given that is how my family dynamic as always been (had a constant mother, aunt, grandmother versus cycling step-fathers).
I've never felt intimidated being the only guy, but it definitely makes me feel a little more self-conscious at the beginning. However, I can feel intimidated by being in a new group or situation where every new face is male. I chalk that up to feeling more comfortable where women are present or are in leadership roles, given that is how my family dynamic as always been (had a constant mother, aunt, grandmother versus cycling step-fathers).
By JackbenBut then again (to my knowledge) 100% of the people posting in here are men so that's rather limiting on the type of experiences being expressed.
Not true.
When you're the only girl in a group of guys, you're the deer amongst a crowd of lions. When you're the only guy in a group of girls, you're the one lion mingling in a herd of deer.
That's part of it, I think. Another part is the "am I going to have my opinions shut down" concerns. Another is an internal thing inside of you, where I think guys are more comfortable being the loner in a situation ("me vs the world"), where women are more comfortable having someone else as physical/emotional/mental support there. Not that I've lost my enjoyment of having those times where I'm just off on my own doing things and adventuring and whatnot, but I have found myself sliding more to a mentality of wanting to go places or partake in events with other people instead of just solo. (Not just for the entertainment side of whatever it is, but the "support" side as well.)
Of course, everyone is different, and I can just speak from my own personal situation/experiences/observations. Unless it's a group of guys I really know well, I'm not sure I'd want to be the only female in a group, especially when it comes to potentially having heavy discussions about things.
That's part of it, I think. Another part is the "am I going to have my opinions shut down" concerns. Another is an internal thing inside of you, where I think guys are more comfortable being the loner in a situation ("me vs the world"), where women are more comfortable having someone else as physical/emotional/mental support there. Not that I've lost my enjoyment of having those times where I'm just off on my own doing things and adventuring and whatnot, but I have found myself sliding more to a mentality of wanting to go places or partake in events with other people instead of just solo. (Not just for the entertainment side of whatever it is, but the "support" side as well.)
Of course, everyone is different, and I can just speak from my own personal situation/experiences/observations. Unless it's a group of guys I really know well, I'm not sure I'd want to be the only female in a group, especially when it comes to potentially having heavy discussions about things.
By shidoshiWhen you're the only girl in a group of guys, you're the deer amongst a crowd of lions. When you're the only guy in a group of girls, you're the one lion mingling in a herd of deer.That's what I was going to say.
I don't know if many men understand (or even *can* understand) what it's like to deal with unwanted romantic advances on a consistent basis like women do.
Always gotta pull that "I got a bf" trigger early or else people get ideas. Sometimes it doesn't matter though.
By shidoshiWhen you're the only girl in a group of guys, you're the deer amongst a crowd of lions. When you're the only guy in a group of girls, you're the one lion mingling in a herd of deer.
That's part of it, I think. Another part is the "am I going to have my opinions shut down" concerns. Another is an internal thing inside of you, where I think guys are more comfortable being the loner in a situation ("me vs the world"), where women are more comfortable having someone else as physical/emotional/mental support there. Not that I've lost my enjoyment of having those times where I'm just off on my own doing things and adventuring and whatnot, but I have found myself sliding more to a mentality of wanting to go places or partake in events with other people instead of just solo. (Not just for the entertainment side of whatever it is, but the "support" side as well.)
Of course, everyone is different, and I can just speak from my own personal situation/experiences/observations. Unless it's a group of guys I really know well, I'm not sure I'd want to be the only female in a group, especially when it comes to potentially having heavy discussions about things.
Nice to see ya Shidoshi. Thanks for the post.
By dbAlways gotta pull that "I got a bf" trigger early or else people get ideas. Sometimes it doesn't matter though.
I've had this discussion multiple times and in my mind its wholly appreciated when a girl drops that card early.
These discussions don't ever seem to yield anything interesting because it's always conjectures off of anecdotal evidence.
Not that there's not value in having these discussions, just that they invariably turn into something not worthwhile.
Not that there's not value in having these discussions, just that they invariably turn into something not worthwhile.
By HasphatsAntsThese discussions don't ever seem to yield anything interesting because it's always conjectures off of anecdotal evidence.
Not that there's not value in having these discussions, just that they invariably turn into something not worthwhile.
The problem with these discussions is they presume women are some exotic foreign creature to be figured out rather than just individuals with their own preferences and personalities.
By dbThat too. Well said.By HasphatsAntsThese discussions don't ever seem to yield anything interesting because it's always conjectures off of anecdotal evidence.
Not that there's not value in having these discussions, just that they invariably turn into something not worthwhile.
The problem with these discussions is they presume women are some exotic foreign creature to be figured out rather than just individuals with their own preferences and personalities.
I began to type a response, but it would be more retaliatory ("for a rise") than productive. This is the concise version.
I never conceded that I was making a generalization. I, again, said "I have yet to encounter," meaning of all my interactions with women in my 31 years on this planet, the only time that a female enjoyed being in the gender minority were the ones who enjoyed that kind attention.
We are also talking about a specific situation that occurs rarely because, as the women in this forum have indicated with their defense mechanism for when they find themselves in such an environment, men are going to try. They are thanked for their contributions, and I'm dog-piled.
I consider this one of the privileges of being female on a forum with a bunch of dudes; she didn't get accused of making a generalization because yall already know the truth. IDK why this is such a big deal.
I don't write things to "get a rise." Like...why would I? What is productive in that?
I never conceded that I was making a generalization. I, again, said "I have yet to encounter," meaning of all my interactions with women in my 31 years on this planet, the only time that a female enjoyed being in the gender minority were the ones who enjoyed that kind attention.
We are also talking about a specific situation that occurs rarely because, as the women in this forum have indicated with their defense mechanism for when they find themselves in such an environment, men are going to try. They are thanked for their contributions, and I'm dog-piled.
I consider this one of the privileges of being female on a forum with a bunch of dudes; she didn't get accused of making a generalization because yall already know the truth. IDK why this is such a big deal.
I don't write things to "get a rise." Like...why would I? What is productive in that?
By KingGondoBy dbThat too. Well said.By HasphatsAntsThese discussions don't ever seem to yield anything interesting because it's always conjectures off of anecdotal evidence.
Not that there's not value in having these discussions, just that they invariably turn into something not worthwhile.
The problem with these discussions is they presume women are some exotic foreign creature to be figured out rather than just individuals with their own preferences and personalities.
Being an "exotic foreign creature to be figured out" and "individuals with their own preferences and personalities" are not necessarily mutually exclusive. Sound rhetorically pleasant in terms of rendering women as "people" rather than "things," but the same could be said about any human. Gender is only as complex as you want it to be.
By Zero ToleranceI never conceded that I was making a generalization. I, again, said "I have yet to encounter," meaning of all my interactions with women in my 31 years on this planet, the only time that a female enjoyed being in the gender minority were the ones who enjoyed that kind attention.
It never occurred to you that some might be more aligned socially with men because of their own interests? You just assume it's attention whoring and that's that.
You didn't encounter interracial relationships til your mid-20s or people who spoke spanish and claim to have never seen a functional IR couple til this day after 3 decades on Allah's green earth. The same dude who says he can't sympathize with rape victims.
This 'in my experience' qualifier ain't cutting it when your experience is so trash.
This 'in my experience' qualifier ain't cutting it when your experience is so trash.
By MorisYou didn't encounter interracial relationships til your mid-20s or people who spoke spanish and claim to have never seen a functional IR couple til this day after 3 decades on Allah's green earth. The same dude who says he can't sympathize with rape victims.
This 'in my experience' qualifier ain't cutting it when your experience is so trash.
By KingGondoBy shidoshiWhen you're the only girl in a group of guys, you're the deer amongst a crowd of lions. When you're the only guy in a group of girls, you're the one lion mingling in a herd of deer.That's what I was going to say.
I don't know if many men understand (or even *can* understand) what it's like to deal with unwanted romantic advances on a consistent basis like women do.
I learned once... My friend DJed in Seattle and neglected to tell us it was a gay club and it was Boys Night... Put a lot in perspective about what women go through in night clubs at least...
Damn, Tolerance, what the hell?
By reiloSee I didn't even know. Good to have multiple perspectives.By JackbenBut then again (to my knowledge) 100% of the people posting in here are men so that's rather limiting on the type of experiences being expressed.
Not true.
come on
People aren't lions and does. Yeah, you'll get hit on in a gay bar, but that sort of comes with the idea you go there to hook-up. It's not a sports bar.
People aren't lions and does. Yeah, you'll get hit on in a gay bar, but that sort of comes with the idea you go there to hook-up. It's not a sports bar.
By shidoshiWhen you're the only girl in a group of guys, you're the deer amongst a crowd of lions. When you're the only guy in a group of girls, you're the one lion mingling in a herd of deer.I appreciate the honest perspective.
That's part of it, I think. Another part is the "am I going to have my opinions shut down" concerns. Another is an internal thing inside of you, where I think guys are more comfortable being the loner in a situation ("me vs the world"), where women are more comfortable having someone else as physical/emotional/mental support there. Not that I've lost my enjoyment of having those times where I'm just off on my own doing things and adventuring and whatnot, but I have found myself sliding more to a mentality of wanting to go places or partake in events with other people instead of just solo. (Not just for the entertainment side of whatever it is, but the "support" side as well.)
Of course, everyone is different, and I can just speak from my own personal situation/experiences/observations. Unless it's a group of guys I really know well, I'm not sure I'd want to be the only female in a group, especially when it comes to potentially having heavy discussions about things.
Yeah girl friend of mine cancelled our Spring break trip of ours because the only other girls coming pulled out. I was like we could've gone anyways but she didn't want to be the only girl. I still don't get it.
By blackaceI learned once… My friend DJed in Seattle and neglected to tell us it was a gay club and it was Boys Night… Put a lot in perspective about what women go through in night clubs at least…My wife gets hit on all the time even when she makes it clear she's married and uninterested. Even at work.
Maybe it's the naughty librarian stereotype?
By KingGondoBy blackaceI learned once… My friend DJed in Seattle and neglected to tell us it was a gay club and it was Boys Night… Put a lot in perspective about what women go through in night clubs at least…My wife gets hit on all the time even when she makes it clear she's married and uninterested. Even at work.
Maybe it's the naughty librarian stereotype?
My wife decided to enter the workforce after raising our kids to a certain age. So this is ten years-plus since the last time she held a job. I gave her a fair warning that men were going to try her even if her ring is obnoxious. Yeah, that's one part of my male privilege that I enjoy (that nobody is going to just show up to my job just to see me), but sucks for her and my daughter.
It depends on the group, the girl, and her background. Many factors. I know I wouldn't want to be the only girl at bible study.
You're seeing what you want to see. If you've been on this earth for thirty-one years and haven't seen any substantiated, quantifiable accounts of multiple interracial relationships, women who aren't "attention whores" (which is basically what you're getting at) in the presence of large amounts of men, and can't sympathize with rape victims, then you have shit experience. Simple as that.
Also: I don't know her personally, but shidoshi was thanked for sharing some anecdotal knowledge about being a woman because she's a woman. That's not some perverse reverse-sexist rhetoric; like, you're literally saying it's unfair to give anecdotal experience about being a woman if you're not a woman. What do you want us to tell you?
Also: I don't know her personally, but shidoshi was thanked for sharing some anecdotal knowledge about being a woman because she's a woman. That's not some perverse reverse-sexist rhetoric; like, you're literally saying it's unfair to give anecdotal experience about being a woman if you're not a woman. What do you want us to tell you?
