Dating & Relationships | I would always love her more than I love Amazon customer service

By DY_nasty Go To Postnot everyone gets lucky with these timebombs

just throwing that out there

Word, we won't speak on my exes and what they had to go through to get me here 😂😂😂🙈

By i can get you a toe Go To PostIt's all relative probably and I'm no bastion of maturity myself but there's definitely a certain way folks are in their twenties (or mentally there if they never grew out of it).

I'm immature as hell but there's just a certain 20 something bullshit some people really pull off. It's hard to explain. I don't mean everyone has to be a bore either, they just get up to some shit you're just well past being about.

But he hasn't had a real problem with it what can you tell em?

She acting 20 something doe!

By Kabro Go To PostI mean shit, at 32, I'm pretty sure my head was still stuck in the 20s.
told dy in chat but women straight up told me this girl aint right for me and should be open to talking to one of her friends instead.

if you talked to her friend they'd be shitting on her in 5 months

By blackace Go To PostBut he hasn't had a real problem with it what can you tell em?

She acting 20 something doe!

Yeah I guess my thing would be people can be all kinds of ways, including immature, if that is what you want, compliments you or you're chill with it. But even giving her leeway is it something he personally wants to deal with again? Especially when more mature individuals exist in the dating pool?

By i can get you a toe Go To PostYeah I guess my thing would be people can be all kinds of ways, including immature, if that is what you want, compliments you or you're chill with it. But even giving her leeway is it something he personally wants to deal with again? Especially when more mature individuals exist in the dating pool?

From what I read he wasn't complaining about it...

By Kabro Go To Postgirl i've been dating (aforementioned) posted a youtube vlog mentioning how she wants to be married by the end of 2020.
like wtf. she knows I subscribe to her channel, she's the one that did it for me and ticked on notification so i get an email.
I haven't talked to her about this yet as I'm still trying to process this.
we have discussed long term plans but in a casual manner.
We're a long ways away from even talking about marriage seriously.
we still have a lot of shit to sort out. who the fuck drops that kind of shit publicly knowing I'd watch it?

Congrats on the nuptials.

By Kabro Go To Postpeople have said she's using me to get ahead in the film industry.
I've moved up to a point i've garnered respect among film peers.

so things we have a bond in:
same faith.
same family values and goals.
same interest in film. we both love post production.
we both have really good communication foundation but i do think im a bit more developed, i've dealt with my demons, or at least acknowledged them through counseling. she has not.

things I find a concern with her:
she has parental issues (they rejected her when she was young)
ive noticed she's looking for a daddy/husband than a partner/husband.
she's a bit immature for her age.
shes very manic when it comes to her film career. we've discussed this several times and she told me she doesn't really know how to separate romantic life with work life. she wants a partner that she can co-labor with. which is fine and all, but im just worried if our relationship is just that, it will always be that. which goes on to the next concern..
she has intimacy issues (going back to her parental issues). she has never been in a healthy relationship before. I mean relatively speaking.

all in all, what we we share overwhelms any concerns as i know we can talk about it in a healthy manner. its just women mostly have told me she badly wants to get married but in the manner of "being saved". I suppose i bring that grounded, stable lifestyle she wants.

thanks guys, i really appreciate your time in helping me sort this one out.

Oh Boy...

I need to A) make some more male friends and B) replace several female '''friends'''. I'm the kind of person that can never accept someone needs to be better. That it's always something wrong with me. Something wrong that I did no matter what.

Hairdresser, of course Dy's right. Tells me from the start, just friends not interested in you like that. No problem. Hairdresser, should know(and does) tons of female friends. Never tries to set me up. My thoughts, 'must be something wrong with me.' More and more recently she sends me increasingly dirty messages/photos and even comments on my instagram. But whenever I try to send her anything back, she never responds. She never sets anything up with me. She never tries to see me. But I'll go silent and she'll start sending me messages. (At one point in the past I posted some kind of flirty comment on her facebook when I had one and SHE DELETED IT so after that I just stopped contact) So I go without contacting her. She decreasingly contacts me. Ok no problem.

I'm trying to get my needs met and you're constantly breaching that line but then never going through with it. So normally I would say 'this is going nowhere. I'm just going to stop. She clearly can't be just friends because she wants my validation but doesnt want to give me anything for it.' And I'll go silent. And she'll start sending me messages about how she needs my approval or super flirty bullshit. Like as soon as I have a life outside of trying to chase her approval, which she never gives, I get assaulted with attention but nothing beyond that. It feels good for that moment which is why I let it continue but then it just leads to disappointment and makes me feel bad about myself afterwards.

So I know I'm going to get shit for this but holy fuck it's driving me crazy. The next time she tries it I'm just drawing the line, I don't know if it's low self opinion that makes me feel bad about doing it though because it can be perceived as 'im just friends with you for sex' but she's the one who KEEPS blurring that line and yanking my chain. And I don't know what it is about me that keeps attracting these clinically bipolar women who do this. Is it me? Because it's destroying my confidence. Like it's got to be me, right? It can't just be shitty people taking advantage of me?

Why even draw a line? It sounds like you're going to keep this vampire in your life but lay down some ground rules, which she'll never follow because she's clearly got more respect for her vibrator than she has for you. And it's not you, we all attract these sorts of parasites.

is this chick somebody you have to interact with on a regular basis? coworker or classmate? If not then you dedicate way too much brain power to her.

By data Go To PostI need to A) make some more male friends and B) replace several female '''friends'''. I'm the kind of person that can never accept someone needs to be better. That it's always something wrong with me. Something wrong that I did no matter what.

Hairdresser, of course Dy's right. Tells me from the start, just friends not interested in you like that. No problem. Hairdresser, should know(and does) tons of female friends. Never tries to set me up. My thoughts, 'must be something wrong with me.' More and more recently she sends me increasingly dirty messages/photos and even comments on my instagram. But whenever I try to send her anything back, she never responds. She never sets anything up with me. She never tries to see me. But I'll go silent and she'll start sending me messages. (At one point in the past I posted some kind of flirty comment on her facebook when I had one and SHE DELETED IT so after that I just stopped contact) So I go without contacting her. She decreasingly contacts me. Ok no problem.

I'm trying to get my needs met and you're constantly breaching that line but then never going through with it. So normally I would say 'this is going nowhere. I'm just going to stop. She clearly can't be just friends because she wants my validation but doesnt want to give me anything for it.' And I'll go silent. And she'll start sending me messages about how she needs my approval or super flirty bullshit. Like as soon as I have a life outside of trying to chase her approval, which she never gives, I get assaulted with attention but nothing beyond that. It feels good for that moment which is why I let it continue but then it just leads to disappointment and makes me feel bad about myself afterwards.

So I know I'm going to get shit for this but holy fuck it's driving me crazy. The next time she tries it I'm just drawing the line, I don't know if it's low self opinion that makes me feel bad about doing it though because it can be perceived as 'im just friends with you for sex' but she's the one who KEEPS blurring that line and yanking my chain. And I don't know what it is about me that keeps attracting these clinically bipolar women who do this. Is it me? Because it's destroying my confidence. Like it's got to be me, right? It can't just be shitty people taking advantage of me?

She doesnt want anything more from you but you're being used an crutch, a substitute if you will. So although she doesn't want you like that when you remove that energy she still feels it, misses or even craves it. So inevitably will chase after said feeling while expecting you to be ok with "established" boundaries because ya know... why would my filrtt texts provocative suggestions you think anything different. Run, and run fast, this is an emotional Verizon Inceptions paradigm. Not worth the inevitable cycle dude.

She can be a shitty person and you can be destructively desperate for attention

Not really mutually exclusive. Hell, those types attract each other. When she deleted your comment - not even ignoring you but actively sweeping your presence under a mat - you should've known then and there where you stood. She doesn't even want her simps to know about you. That's where you are to her.

Fucking stop. You think it can't get worse but it can.

By DY_nasty Go To PostShe can be a shitty person and you can be destructively desperate for attention

Not really mutually exclusive. Hell, those types attract each other.

Like the forces of magnetism. Like codependency and fuck ups

It really must be callyourex season because my phone has been getting blown up this week...

2 months before Xmas? Sounds about right

Got to put your foot down at some point data, I've had those crazy ones before, always ends bad and not always with sex.

I'm becoming the person I can't stand

The *only* reason I want to date again is for help day to day. Purely administrative duties.

Like how the fuck anyone single doing everything they need to do? It's impossible for me past a certain point.

By DY_nasty Go To PostI'm becoming the person I can't stand

The *only* reason I want to date again is for help day to day. Purely administrative duties.

Like how the fuck anyone single doing everything they need to do? It's impossible for me past a certain point.

Here’s a secret everyone who’s married will let you in on. A good partner helps you through the day to day. Both administrative and not.

I legit wonder if yal just see past crazy, accept it, or just are that lucky.

I know for a fact that even my best relationship wouldn't have had me progressing my career this far. I'll happily settle for a crazy that's just compatible with my own. I just refuse to care about a serious relationship more than the other person.

Ain't even asking for much imo. I'm tired as fuck.

By DY_nasty Go To PostI legit wonder if yal just see past crazy, accept it, or just are that lucky.

I know for a fact that even my best relationship wouldn't have had me progressing my career this far. I'll happily settle for a crazy that's just compatible with my own. I just refuse to care about a serious relationship more than the other person.

Ain't even asking for much imo. I'm tired as fuck.

Yeah there are relationships that squelch personal growth. For carreer minded people it's advantageous to avoid something serious unless you find that same career minded individual. Yet, if your career is a more conformable place, there's nothing wrong with finding someone who's more grounded.

And yeah … to some extent we do see past the crazy. Nobody is perfect. I'm not. My wife isn't. We talk, work through issues.

I'm just sayin' …. don't beat yourself up for wanting something self serving out of a relationship. The feeling should be mutual between both the parties.

Get successful enough you can just hire a maid, a cook and get a personal secretary.

By i can get you a toe Go To PostGet successful enough you can just hire a maid, a cook and get a personal secretary.

I need approximately 30+ more k on my salary for that. I wouldn't even think twice though.

By Fenderputty Go To PostYeah there are relationships that squelch personal growth. For carreer minded people it's advantageous to avoid something serious unless you find that same career minded individual. Yet, if your career is a more conformable place, there's nothing wrong with finding someone who's more grounded.

And yeah … to some extent we do see past the crazy. Nobody is perfect. I'm not. My wife isn't. We talk, work through issues.

I'm just sayin' …. don't beat yourself up for wanting something self serving out of a relationship. The feeling should be mutual between both the parties.

There is definitely poor people logic in my thinking. I can acknowledge that.

Like I can't imagine a bigger red flag than someone saying "I need someone to complete me" so even a fragment of that thinking creeping up on me is just disappointing as fuck for me personally.

But I am very tired. Understandably considering all I've done this past year at least. Not like I can take a break from life though. Shit, I'm pretty sure that lots of people would sign up to be dead or in a medically induced coma for a few weeks... Fuck a vacation. Id just be tired as fuck somewhere else.

And I don't want the fact that someone being good at covering my ass on certain things would make me look past things that I actually do want in a relationship.

By DY_nasty Go To PostI need approximately 30+ more k on my salary for that. I wouldn't even think twice though.
There is definitely poor people logic in my thinking. I can acknowledge that.

Like I can't imagine a bigger red flag than someone saying "I need someone to complete me" so even a fragment of that thinking creeping up on me is just disappointing as fuck for me personally.

But I am very tired. Understandably considering all I've done this past year at least. Not like I can take a break from life though. Shit, I'm pretty sure that lots of people would sign up to be dead or in a medically induced coma for a few weeks… Fuck a vacation. Id just be tired as fuck somewhere else.

And I don't want the fact that someone being good at covering my ass on certain things would make me look past things that I actually do want in a relationship.

So as an example, my wife is a worrier. She's stresses faaaaaar to much about shit that's mostly out of her control. I'm the opposing pot head who doesn't stress enough. We play off each other here. She comes to me to settle her down and I look to her when I feel like I should be more worried than I am. We're better as a unit here than either of us are individually.

On an administrative level, she's a great cook and I'm good at bills and house projects. She gets the grocery shopping done and I do the yard. etc etc.

You gotta parse out pretty normal and standard desire for a companion with someone's potential codependency issues. And I mean … maybe you are meant to be single. That's OK. So is wanting to find that complimentary piece. Don't beat yourself up, man.

Seriously, where are the cute nerdy girls at?

All I meet are flakey attention seekers that watch too much reality television.

By Daz Go To PostSeriously, where are the cute nerdy girls at?

All I meet are flakey attention seekers that watch too much reality television.

Too traumatized to date.

Try looking in PetSmart or a job fair.

By Daz Go To PostSeriously, where are the cute nerdy girls at?

with Chad

wait are we talking broke as fuck, not about shit nerds who don't leave the house and glamorize/rationalize their aintshitness or

people who actually got shit going on that happen to fit the nerdy description but dgaf because their money long/they have real career goals

By DY_nasty Go To Postwait are we talking broke as fuck, not about shit nerds who don't leave the house and glamorize/rationalize their aintshitness or

people who actually got shit going on that happen to fit the nerdy description but dgaf because their money long/they have real career goals

The latter obviously, not sure how common they are though.

I dont want to date someone who's just like me, that would be fucked up.

Hanging out with my dude friends more recently has been really good for fixing my self-sabotage seeking tendencies. Just socializing outside of trying to partner up has really given me some perspective.

Me and girlfriend (sameone) are taking a road trip to visit her parents over Christmas week in Minnesota.
This is the first time she's bringing someone to meet her parents. Same for me, IIRC. Apparently they're very excited to meet me. Someone help me prepare as I'm feeling a bit anxious spending a week up there..plus the frigid cold. Fucking hell.

Wrap up warm

By Kabro Go To PostMe and girlfriend (sameone) are taking a road trip to visit her parents over Christmas week in Minnesota.
This is the first time she's bringing someone to meet her parents. Same for me, IIRC. Apparently they're very excited to meet me. Someone help me prepare.

you bought the ring?

No ring yet sy. Though we are far better than we were the last post I did post in this thread. But still got a long way to go before I think about popping that question.

What advice? If inlaws wanna be shitty they will be shitty. You're not staying with them though are you? Best thing to do would be to have your own space/place to disappear to especially if they hate you or it's really awkward for whatever reason.

By Kabro Go To PostNo ring yet sy. Though we are far better than we were the last post I did in this thread. But still got a long way to go before I think about popping that question.

You guys kissed yet?

By i can get you a toe Go To PostWhat advice? If inlaws wanna be shitty they will be shitty. You're not staying with them though are you? Best thing to do would be to have your own space/place to disappear to especially if they hate you or it's really awkward for whatever reason.

We're staying at their home..for a week. And we'll be sharing a room. Which surprised me.
Edit: avg temp in Minnesota in December is 9F?
Avg temp in OC in december is 69.
FFs how y'all cope with that??

You stay indoors

While I've done that and the reverse with no issues ever, I would suggest if shit hitteth fan which I don't think it will or anything, remember to have some money on hand in case you gotta hit up a hotel. Cold temps are easy with proper layering, what sucks is how much people blast heat so you're just sweating in them and your sinuses dry out.

By i can get you a toe Go To PostWhat advice? If inlaws wanna be shitty they will be shitty. You're not staying with them though are you? Best thing to do would be to have your own space/place to disappear to especially if they hate you or it's really awkward for whatever reason.

By i can get you a toe Go To PostWhile I've done that and the reverse with no issues ever, I would suggest if shit hitteth fan which I don't think it will or anything, remember to have some money on hand in case you gotta hit up a hotel. Cold temps are easy with proper layering, what sucks is how much people blast heat so you're just sweating in them and your sinuses dry out.

Jesus it won't be that dire 😂

Man some people are just awkward as hell or the family is, best to have a back up plan. I got lucky but some of my friends inlaws, yikes.

😂

"Make sure you bring food and supplies to last you through the nuclear winter"
"Some cash in a safe deposit box in town just to be on the safe side after they rob you"
"Extra clip beneath your spare tire, maybe a sawed off shotty if it can fit, you never know"

One of them the mom just like barged in on them in the bedroom like it's nothing. Dude was like "the fuck", inlaws "well its OUR house." Daughter kind of meek about it, grew up with that shit. They started doing airbnbs close to the residence cause no way in fuck was that chill.

By reilo Go To Post"Make sure you bring food and supplies to last you through the nuclear winter"
"Some cash in a safe deposit box in town just to be on the safe side after they rob you"
"Extra clip beneath your spare tire, maybe a sawed off shotty if it can fit, you never know"

"Cauterize all wounds."
"Keep a second phone hidden"
"Boil all water"

But in all seriousness get a nice scarf and learn some knots.

By i can get you a toe Go To PostWhile I've done that and the reverse with no issues ever, I would suggest if shit hitteth fan which I don't think it will or anything, remember to have some money on hand in case you gotta hit up a hotel. Cold temps are easy with proper layering, what sucks is how much people blast heat so you're just sweating in them and your sinuses dry out.

Sounds like you've got holiday stories to share, friend.

Just friends fams or their inlaws being dramatic or weird. They didn't really know the extent of it till they were over for the holidays. Then there's the ones who have fucked up extended family that they're really tired of and don't want to visit at the same time. /shrug

Easy trick: Ask them for a recommendation of something to do in the area and do it, then tell them you enjoyed it even if it was hell. Cook for them / take them out to dinner.

Keep things tidy as fuck, nobody wants to be cleaning up after you.

😂