By i can get you a toe Go To Post> she's wife materialgut punch, but point take.
> "I wanna be married soon"
> i can't brehs
🤷
I do have commitment issues still lingering and i'll sort it out.
but also am weary of some of the red flags i have with her which with honest communication, i'm sure we'll sift through.
we both agreed to take it slow, but next thing I know she wants to get married in 15 months.
15 months is a long time dude. You’re not 20 lol.
Her wanting to be married by 34 isn’t a red flag. Red flags would be her having a Marriage with a Russian she needs to break off
And I mean ... you’re posting your issues in a thread where people have commitment issues lol. Did you want to be talked off the cliff lol
Her wanting to be married by 34 isn’t a red flag. Red flags would be her having a Marriage with a Russian she needs to break off
And I mean ... you’re posting your issues in a thread where people have commitment issues lol. Did you want to be talked off the cliff lol
By i can get you a toe Go To Post> she's wife material
> "I wanna be married soon"
> i can't brehs
🤷
dats tough.
this just means you have potential, congrats kado
By Fenderputty Go To PostDid you want to be talked off the cliff lolProbably?
A lot of people that know both of us don't like her to me. Would that be a red flag?
By Kabro Go To PostProbably?
A lot of people that know both of us don't like her to me. Would that be a red flag?
đź‘€
If your group is adults you can ask them why they don't like her. If their reasons are stupid or they're the shit ones that might need to be dropped or distanced you'll be made aware by their answers.
By i can get you a toe Go To PostIf your group is adults you can ask them why they don't like her. If their reasons are stupid or they're the shit ones that might need to be dropped or distanced you'll be made aware by their answers.Generally speaking women don't like her fo me. Men on the other hand say "trust your gut feelings and only I know the answer".
Nah fuck that just ask people. If they're envious of her? Drop them. Envious of you? Drop them. If say like they notice your SO is sneaking off to liquor cabinets or doing coke in the bathroom listen to it.
By Kabro Go To PostGenerally speaking women don't like her fo me. Men on the other hand say "trust your gut feelings and only I know the answer"."Dont like her for you" is so broad a statement I'd ignore it. Unless they got some real reservations like I said above fuck 'em.
By i can get you a toe Go To PostNah fuck that just ask people. If they're envious of her? Drop them. Envious of you? Drop them. If say like they notice your SO is sneaking off to liquor cabinets or doing coke in the bathroom listen to it.Dy telling me to "fuck em" wisdom too.
"Dont like her for you" is so broad a statement I'd ignore it. Unless they got some real reservations like I said above fuck 'em.
I'm gonna roll with that.
By Kabro Go To PostProbably?
A lot of people that know both of us don't like her to me. Would that be a red flag?
No? I mean, maybe, but you need to be much more specific about the reasons. If they just find you incompatible based on your personalities and you're finding you both are compatible, who gives a fuck.
Things I find important:
- Do you share life goals (kids, finances, desired location)
- Can you communicate honestly
- Does she have the same sex drive or similar
- Does she care about family
- Shared faith or lack there of
Most other shit I find is rather superfluous.
Things I would shy away from:
- mental issues (daddy issues / chronic depressions type shit). You're not going to fix her.
- addictions
- Clingyness
- Lack of drive
- Difference in life goals
I do not think a 32 year old woman wanting to be married by 34 is shocking. Even less so if they want kids. I do think she could have broached the topic more directly to you, but based on your reaction to this I'm not sure it would have mattered.
Like my dude ... you've been on cloud nine with this girls and you ant getting any younger. Unless you never want marriage, dating at that age is basically shit or get off the pot.
By Kabro Go To PostGenerally speaking women don't like her fo me. Men on the other hand say "trust your gut feelings and only I know the answer".
What reasons?
By Kabro Go To PostDy telling me to "fuck em" wisdom too.whooooooooooooooa notice the nuance in difference in what we said
I'm gonna roll with that.
read between the lines, never ask because you can fuck that entire approach up if you just jump out there with it when you shouldn't. you don't know who is friends with who are why they aint friends with whoever else. if a woman won't hook her single male friend up with others, then there's some sort of asterisk on that friendship and its something you either discover or don't all by yourself more times than not
"hey why don't you like brenda"
^how you end up with no friends
By DY_nasty Go To Postwhooooooooooooooa notice the nuance in difference in what we said
read between the lines, never ask because you can fuck that entire approach up if you just jump out there with it when you shouldn't. you don't know who is friends with who are why they aint friends with whoever else. if a woman won't hook her single male friend up with others, then there's some sort of asterisk on that friendship and its something you either discover or don't all by yourself more times than not
"hey why don't you like brenda"
^how you end up with no friends
Friends are overrated
By Fenderputty Go To PostWhat reasons?people have said she's using me to get ahead in the film industry.
I've moved up to a point i've garnered respect among film peers.
so things we have a bond in:
same faith.
same family values and goals.
same interest in film. we both love post production.
we both have really good communication foundation but i do think im a bit more developed, i've dealt with my demons, or at least acknowledged them through counseling. she has not.
things I find a concern with her:
she has parental issues (they rejected her when she was young)
ive noticed she's looking for a daddy/husband than a partner/husband.
she's a bit immature for her age.
shes very manic when it comes to her film career. we've discussed this several times and she told me she doesn't really know how to separate romantic life with work life. she wants a partner that she can co-labor with. which is fine and all, but im just worried if our relationship is just that, it will always be that. which goes on to the next concern..
she has intimacy issues (going back to her parental issues). she has never been in a healthy relationship before. I mean relatively speaking.
all in all, what we we share overwhelms any concerns as i know we can talk about it in a healthy manner. its just women mostly have told me she badly wants to get married but in the manner of "being saved". I suppose i bring that grounded, stable lifestyle she wants.
thanks guys, i really appreciate your time in helping me sort this one out.
By Kabro Go To Postthings I find a concern with her:
she has parental issues (they rejected her when she was young)
ive noticed she's looking for a daddy/husband than a partner/husband.
she's a bit immature for her age.
shes very manic when it comes to her film career. we've discussed this several times and she told me she doesn't really know how to separate romantic life with work life. she wants a partner that she can co-labor with. which is fine and all, but im just worried if our relationship is just that, it will always be that. which goes on to the next concern..
she has intimacy issues (going back to her parental issues). she has never been in a healthy relationship before. I mean relatively speaking.
all in all, what we we share overwhelms any concerns as i know we can talk about it in a healthy manner. its just women mostly have told me she badly wants to get married but in the manner of "being saved". I suppose i bring that grounded, stable lifestyle she wants.
thanks guys, i really appreciate your time in helping me sort this one out.
Can you expand on the bolded, because that could be a red flag.
With regards to intimacy issues, they're about as big of a red flag as yours are.
I feel like you should be able to figure out if she's into you for your career and nothing else.
To some extent, everyone has issues. My wife has issues that stem from her family. Issues are one thing. How severe they are and how they're working through them are another. The daddy / Husband is concerning because if she does have issues, she may be looking for you to help fix them and you shouldn't be about that shit.
By Kabro Go To Postpeople have said she's using me to get ahead in the film industry.
I've moved up to a point i've garnered respect among film peers.
so things we have a bond in:
same faith.
same family values and goals.
same interest in film. we both love post production.
we both have really good communication foundation but i do think im a bit more developed, i've dealt with my demons, or at least acknowledged them through counseling. she has not.
things I find a concern with her:
she has parental issues (they rejected her when she was young)
ive noticed she's looking for a daddy/husband than a partner/husband.
she's a bit immature for her age.
shes very manic when it comes to her film career. we've discussed this several times and she told me she doesn't really know how to separate romantic life with work life. she wants a partner that she can co-labor with. which is fine and all, but im just worried if our relationship is just that, it will always be that. which goes on to the next concern..
she has intimacy issues (going back to her parental issues). she has never been in a healthy relationship before. I mean relatively speaking.
all in all, what we we share overwhelms any concerns as i know we can talk about it in a healthy manner. its just women mostly have told me she badly wants to get married but in the manner of "being saved". I suppose i bring that grounded, stable lifestyle she wants.
thanks guys, i really appreciate your time in helping me sort this one out.
kado you ain't tell me all this when i co-signed
i am officially concerned
So this is where communication comes into play. You should be clearly stating that you want to get married but you're not interested in "Fixing" someone. You're 39 man, you aint gotta tip toe around this shit.
sorry dy, lol.
so am I.
women have warned me shes looking for a husband to fix her, to get her life stable, on a good foundation.
As with the parental issues, her parents sent her to boarding school at an early age and they didn't want her back home.
they sent her to college and after that, she was on her own. she says for years her relationship with her parents were distant.
its only in the past year they've tried to salvage it.
My concern is her level of intimacy and healthy relationship isn't the same as mine.
so am I.
By Fenderputty Go To PostCan you expand on the bolded, because that could be a red flag.I feel exactly the same way as others have said, I shouldn't save her. and I wont, thats no way a healthy relationship.
With regards to intimacy issues, they're about as big of a red flag as yours are.
I feel like you should be able to figure out if she's into you for your career and nothing else.
To some extent, everyone has issues. My wife has issues that stem from her family. Issues are one thing. How severe they are and how they're working through them are another. The daddy / Husband is concerning because if she does have issues, she may be looking for you to help fix them and you shouldn't be about that shit.
women have warned me shes looking for a husband to fix her, to get her life stable, on a good foundation.
As with the parental issues, her parents sent her to boarding school at an early age and they didn't want her back home.
they sent her to college and after that, she was on her own. she says for years her relationship with her parents were distant.
its only in the past year they've tried to salvage it.
My concern is her level of intimacy and healthy relationship isn't the same as mine.
I would say talk about the prospects of marriage... if you are open to it then put it out there and be honest about it and suggest living together first so you can really see what they are about
By Kabro Go To PostI feel exactly the same way as others have said, I shouldn't save her. and I wont, thats no way a healthy relationship.
women have warned me shes looking for a husband to fix her, to get her life stable, on a good foundation.
As with the parental issues, her parents sent her to boarding school at an early age and they didn't want her back home.
they sent her to college and after that, she was on her own. she says for years her relationship with her parents were distant.
its only in the past year they've tried to salvage it.
My concern is her level of intimacy and healthy relationship isn't the same as mine.
I’m not sure stability of a red flag. I stopped dating for fun when I decided it sucked, wanted stability and wanted to start working towards real life goals. That’s She views you as stable and likes that isn’t bad. Felt similarly about my wife honestly. She had good mother and level head written all over her
The main red flag IMO is the daddy / husband codependent fixing shit. be up front about that shit cause you want none of it.
By blackace Go To PostI would say talk about the prospects of marriage… if you are open to it then put it out there and be honest about it and suggest living together first so you can really see what they are about
I definitely recommend living together before marriage
you aint in the business of fixing people. why do you think i am that way that i am?
changing my vote. initiate exit strategy
changing my vote. initiate exit strategy
By Kabro Go To PostMy concern is her level of intimacy and healthy relationship isn't the same as mine.This can make or break a relationship even more than politics, lack of same interests/hobbies and even finances which can be compromised to an extent. It always sounds so obvious but how you each believe one should show their love, expectations for and from your partner: this is the shit that becomes resentment city quick if you aren't at least opening a dialogue about it.
By blackace Go To PostI would say talk about the prospects of marriage… if you are open to it then put it out there and be honest about it and suggest living together first so you can really see what they are aboutim definitely going to talk to her about it. but i want to make sure Im in the right place mentally and emotionally.
so discussing it here is really helping sort it out and confronting her appropriately.
People should absolutely cohabitate for quite some time before marrying. Insane to me that folks just don't. Flushes out so many issues for better or worse.
By i can get you a toe Go To PostPeople should absolutely cohabitate for quite some time before marrying. Insane to me that folks just don't. Flushes out so many issues for better or worse.Lets both people see just how much crazy they are dealing with before changing names and whatnot
By Kabro Go To Postsorry dy, lol.
so am I.
I feel exactly the same way as others have said, I shouldn't save her. and I wont, thats no way a healthy relationship.
women have warned me shes looking for a husband to fix her, to get her life stable, on a good foundation.
As with the parental issues, her parents sent her to boarding school at an early age and they didn't want her back home.
they sent her to college and after that, she was on her own. she says for years her relationship with her parents were distant.
its only in the past year they've tried to salvage it.
My concern is her level of intimacy and healthy relationship isn't the same as mine.
I don't think love is a bad motivation to want fix those things. Should very much be on her to get there but not something that can't be done together.
My life is dramatically different and I credit alot of that to my wife.
By blackace Go To PostLets both people see just how much crazy they are dealing with before changing names and whatnotEven in relationships that are good ones you gotta find some boundaries too.
By Kidjr Go To PostI don't think love is a bad motivation to want fix those things. Should very much be on her to get there but not something that can't be done together.where was your wife when you were waterboarding yourself?
My life is dramatically different and I credit alot of that to my wife.
By Kidjr Go To PostI don't think love is a bad motivation to want fix those things. Should very much be on her to get there but not something that can't be done together.
My life is dramatically different and I credit alot of that to my wife.
This ... which is why I clarified everyone got issues. Helping as a support system while they’re working through shit is in a different realm to trying to fix someone yourself.
By blackace Go To Postwhere was your wife when you were waterboarding yourself?Roleplaying the Warden
Everyone gonna come to a relationship with some kind of baggage. Parents, previous relationships, work related bullshit. There's stuff to work out with each other and themselves. The issue is when you're straight up playing therapist to your SO and just generally doing too much emotional labor. You just get tired and resentful and your own issues take a backseat cause they're always having a shit day. Then it just compounds from there.
By Fenderputty Go To PostThis … which is why I clarified everyone got issues. Helping as a support system while they’re working through shit is in a different realm to trying to fix someone yourself.tbf she wants to get married so her husband can fix her is based on the assessment of female friends. That's why he just needs to talk to her about it. Listen to her reasons why she feels she needs a deadline and so on...
Women are petty when dealing with other women who are stealing from the viable pool of men... Seen bff throw friends under buses and in the bushes...
Honestly, men aren't any. better lol
Dude just admitted she's immature for her age and there's already a pretty significant age gap. It could be they're just done with dealing with that type shit too.
By DY_nasty Go To Postnot everyone gets lucky with these timebombsTalking to female friends and slaent will almost promise you won't get lucky at all
just throwing that out there
By i can get you a toe Go To PostDude just admitted she's immature for her age and there's already a pretty significant age gap. It could be they're just done with dealing with that type shit too.Unless she ran up on somebody talking about I need a man to fix me... It's just their amateur assessment. And maybe they don't like her for whatever reason. But if he is good with her that doesn't matter
BTW ... anyone know if Vire is still alive? I'm still waiting for news to drop that he got sucked into the Ukrainian scandal somehow.
By blackace Go To PostUnless she ran up on somebody talking about I need a man to fix me… It's just their amateur assessment. And maybe they don't like her for whatever reason. But if he is good with her that doesn't matterNah I mean if you had a friend who is 39, they're dating someone 32 and she's still acting like a twenty something you might just be like "bruh hol' up."
By i can get you a toe Go To PostNah I mean if you had a friend who is 39, they're dating someone 32 and she's still acting like a twenty something you might just be like "bruh hol' up."bruh hol up she acting 20 something!
By i can get you a toe Go To PostNah I mean if you had a friend who is 39, they're dating someone 32 and she's still acting like a twenty something you might just be like "bruh hol' up."
Depends. Need details. I'm 39 an think going out past 10 o clock is a young persons game now.
By i can get you a toe Go To PostNah I mean if you had a friend who is 39, they're dating someone 32 and she's still acting like a twenty something you might just be like "bruh hol' up."I mean shit, at 32, I'm pretty sure my head was still stuck in the 20s.
By blackace Go To Posttbf she wants to get married so her husband can fix her is based on the assessment of female friends. That's why he just needs to talk to her about it. Listen to her reasons why she feels she needs a deadline and so on…told dy in chat but women straight up told me this girl aint right for me and should be open to talking to one of her friends instead.
Women are petty when dealing with other women who are stealing from the viable pool of men… Seen bff throw friends under buses and in the bushes…
Honestly, men aren't any. better lol
By Kabro Go To Posttold dy in chat but women straight up told me this girl aint right for me and should be open to talking to one of her friends instead.
lol peak pettiness.
By blackace Go To Postbruh hol up she acting 20 something!It's all relative probably and I'm no bastion of maturity myself but there's definitely a certain way folks are in their twenties (or mentally there if they never grew out of it).
By Kabro Go To PostI mean shit, at 32, I'm pretty sure my head was still stuck in the 20s.I'm immature as hell but there's just a certain 20 something bullshit some people really pull off. It's hard to explain. I don't mean everyone has to be a bore either, they just get up to some shit you're just well past being about. Also edit: even if you were this way at that age is it something YOU want to personally deal with now? Especially when more mature people exist and can be dated?
told dy in chat but women straight up told me this girl aint right for me and should be open to talking to one of her friends instead.