By Random Ass Username Go To PostYou can get lucky. Saying they work though because yours did once, eh.Sure, you’ve got a fair point.
For what’s it worth I know a few other people with the same situation. It depends on a lot of factors.
By Random Ass Username Go To Posthttps://www.resetera.com/threads/stop-defending-cheating-it-makes-you-look-like-an-inconsiderate-clown.116474/While Era's penchant for oversimplification holds true here, I would agree that 9/10 times, cheating is a choice. And it is something that is glorified in modern culture - maybe its taboo and exciting.
Threads like this remind me some people really don't know how the world works outside of whatever bubble they're in where they get to pick and choose who they're married to and sexual exclusivity is always the morally superior choice.
I'd say you haven't gone through much or see enough shit if you think intimacy with another person is the worst shit ever, especially if it's not your relationship and you have no context about how either partner treats the other behind closed doors.
By Perfect Blue Go To PostMet my long term girlfriend through Tinder. These things work imo.I dont doubt it can work, I have friends who've had success with it, but personally find the process of leaving my romantic future to Tinder's algorithm to be too mechanically transactional. Would never judge those that do. Might cave eventually.
Tinder is about location and some other shit, don't bother with it if it seems like its bots or the same people who don't do anything for you. Like if you're not into hiking and cayaking and its all those types its just pointless to continue with it.
By Random Ass Username Go To PostI'd say you haven't gone through much or see enough shit if you think intimacy with another person is the worst shit ever, especially if it's not your relationship and you have no context about how either partner treats the other behind closed doors.I've gone through plenty and seen enough - I don't think cheating is a war crime, its just pretty scummy to me as most dudes I know did it because they thought they could get away with it, or have impulse control issues.
Its not always about 'intimacy with someone else' most times it isn't.
Because you know the ins and outs of all those relationships? I'm saying mind your own business. 9/10 huh, how does that factor in domestic violence, child brides, religion, beards, arranged marriages? Sure you know some scumbags, I'll give you that, but don't throw that blanket around, you don't know.
Having worked in certain places I'm not just in the mood to pretend all cheating is the same shit. Or even 90% of it. If someone outs themselves as a shit whatever, or they're going after minors, like that proJared fuck, fuck 'em. I'm just not in the mood for blanket statements labeling all cheating as the same shit. It ignores the reality of domestic violence and other places where people can't choose whom they marry.
Whew,
Never labelled all cheating as the same. And I always 'mind my business', whatever that means, but I will give my opinions when I feel strongly about a matter.
Arranged marriages happen a ton in the UK, so yeah, I get how those could be complicated especially here where the politics takes centre stage.
'Cheating' is a broadchurch from your standard bf/gf type relationships to marriage where it graduates to infidelity which takes on a whole other spectre.
If youre in a fucked up abusive relationship, its tough and you can feel trapped due to the psychological abuse or other ties like children and property, I get it, been through it and know others who have too (two of my best friends are going through this shit right now) - fucking around wouldn't have made it better despite me finding comfort elsewhere. you have many choices to make, 'cheating' is just one of them and imo fairly down the list of appropriate actions to take.
This is just my perspective as its the only one I have and can give.
Never labelled all cheating as the same. And I always 'mind my business', whatever that means, but I will give my opinions when I feel strongly about a matter.
Arranged marriages happen a ton in the UK, so yeah, I get how those could be complicated especially here where the politics takes centre stage.
'Cheating' is a broadchurch from your standard bf/gf type relationships to marriage where it graduates to infidelity which takes on a whole other spectre.
If youre in a fucked up abusive relationship, its tough and you can feel trapped due to the psychological abuse or other ties like children and property, I get it, been through it and know others who have too (two of my best friends are going through this shit right now) - fucking around wouldn't have made it better despite me finding comfort elsewhere. you have many choices to make, 'cheating' is just one of them and imo fairly down the list of appropriate actions to take.
This is just my perspective as its the only one I have and can give.
Well I believe if you're in an abusive relationship you're entitled to some intimacy from a person without that shit and if you have to go outside of the relationship to find it, so be it. It's not always wrong. Not all abusive relationships are something you can just drop when it gets like that especially if they're making threats. To say nothing of cults and cultures where you're never allowed to leave and or you're a child married off at 10.
By Random Ass Username Go To PostBecause you know the ins and outs of all those relationships? I'm saying mind your own business. 9/10 huh, how does that factor in domestic violence, child brides, religion, beards, arranged marriages? Sure you know some scumbags, I'll give you that, but don't throw that blanket around, you don't know.You can't go from that straight to domestic violence, child abuse, etc lol. Some people got nothing going on and cheat. It's unfair to say people are ignoring the worst of the worst just because it doesn't headline their post.
I met my girlfriend through Tinder. It's only been two months, so still early days. We matched back when I'd just mindlessly swipe throughout the day. Now I have my radius set pretty small; 50km or about 30 miles. I live in the Netherlands, a very densely populated country, and in the most densely populated area to boot. I don't have a car so I need to rely on public transport so I didn't want to get stuck with long commutes to go to dates. Simple. Don't need it either because half the country lives within those 50km. After we matched I noticed she lived quite a bit further away, roughly 2 hours door to door by train. Now I wasn't happy with that fact, but a match is a match. We chatted for about two weeks. I was still tentative because really the only things you can really figure out is do your interests match well enough and is she actually interested in you. She seemed keen, got her phone number and we set a date to get coffee someplace halfway.
I must admit that I was pretty nervous. It wasn't my first tinder date, had two dates the week before even, but still I was on edge for some reason. I wasn't quite sure if she really dug me and that was messing with my head. I was desperate for validation, which is fucking dumb in hindsight. I mistook her way of texting which was very concise and almost academic for lacking feelings for me. Now I know that's just her style, but a huge shift from girls who text more freely and throw hundreds of emojis at you.
Well she wanted to get dinner and only then did things really fall into place for me. It just clicked. She was surprised to hear that when I told her that later. For her apparently it happened a little sooner but that just shows how your mindset can really screw you up. Just be confident. I'm just glad that people generally mistake my paralyzing nervousness for cool and collected focus.
Next few dates went great. Kissed after third date. Fucked up and missed my train home on the fourth date and had to stay over. Waited way to long to make a move, but if she doesn't make you sleep on the couch then yeah you're good usually.
The week thereafter I asked her if we're a thing now and she said yes. Now here's where I'll tie the discussion about both Tinder and cheating together. She made it very clear early on that she didn't know if she was ready for a relationship. I was her first and only Tinder date. Her previous relationship had ended terribly, she told me early on that that was the case and I knew the deets would come whenever she was comfortable telling me about it. She had only been home for a month from a three month internship and vacation to Indonesia when she matched me on Tinder. When she had just arrived in Indonesia her boyfriend unexpectedly broke up with her, because why not do it over the phone when she's half the world away right? They had only been looking to buy a house together the week before. He had apparently been mingling with some mutual friends and colleagues behind her back. She had suspected something was amiss, but still she's not sure if things had happened before they broke up or not. The thing is he most likely cheated on her with people she thought were her friends. He was smart enough to break it up sooner than later because if she'd found out herself it would have been an even bigger mess. She wisely cut all of them out of her life.
To end on a high note. She's currently in Rome for school. I'll fly to Rome Thursday so we can spend a lovely weekend together. That's amore.
I must admit that I was pretty nervous. It wasn't my first tinder date, had two dates the week before even, but still I was on edge for some reason. I wasn't quite sure if she really dug me and that was messing with my head. I was desperate for validation, which is fucking dumb in hindsight. I mistook her way of texting which was very concise and almost academic for lacking feelings for me. Now I know that's just her style, but a huge shift from girls who text more freely and throw hundreds of emojis at you.
Well she wanted to get dinner and only then did things really fall into place for me. It just clicked. She was surprised to hear that when I told her that later. For her apparently it happened a little sooner but that just shows how your mindset can really screw you up. Just be confident. I'm just glad that people generally mistake my paralyzing nervousness for cool and collected focus.
Next few dates went great. Kissed after third date. Fucked up and missed my train home on the fourth date and had to stay over. Waited way to long to make a move, but if she doesn't make you sleep on the couch then yeah you're good usually.
The week thereafter I asked her if we're a thing now and she said yes. Now here's where I'll tie the discussion about both Tinder and cheating together. She made it very clear early on that she didn't know if she was ready for a relationship. I was her first and only Tinder date. Her previous relationship had ended terribly, she told me early on that that was the case and I knew the deets would come whenever she was comfortable telling me about it. She had only been home for a month from a three month internship and vacation to Indonesia when she matched me on Tinder. When she had just arrived in Indonesia her boyfriend unexpectedly broke up with her, because why not do it over the phone when she's half the world away right? They had only been looking to buy a house together the week before. He had apparently been mingling with some mutual friends and colleagues behind her back. She had suspected something was amiss, but still she's not sure if things had happened before they broke up or not. The thing is he most likely cheated on her with people she thought were her friends. He was smart enough to break it up sooner than later because if she'd found out herself it would have been an even bigger mess. She wisely cut all of them out of her life.
To end on a high note. She's currently in Rome for school. I'll fly to Rome Thursday so we can spend a lovely weekend together. That's amore.
Bacon with the not so stealth brag but I love it dude, seeing some of the situations you were in I'm really really happy for you.
While you I'll say you should always look to comfortable being alone, having a good woman can reallly elevate you as a person.
While you I'll say you should always look to comfortable being alone, having a good woman can reallly elevate you as a person.
Was just doing an MOT on my marriage and was asked what my wife thought I was in terms of rating as a husband. I got an 8, low key offended lol
By Kidjr Go To PostWas just doing an MOT on my marriage and was asked what my wife thought I was in terms of rating as a husband. I got an 8, low key offended lol
I think that is pretty high considering your fetish.
By Kidjr Go To PostWas just doing an MOT on my marriage and was asked what my wife thought I was in terms of rating as a husband. I got an 8, low key offended lolAn 8 is a very good score.
What did you give her?
I'm always a solid 7 I think. It helps when you wanna break it off as they know they can find better and they wont annoy you later, but at the same time you're still good enough
An 8 is too close to perfection for comfort. File for a divorce
An 8 is too close to perfection for comfort. File for a divorce
By Bold 2 in One Go To PostAn 8 is a very good score.
What did you give her?
Probably a good waterboarding
By DY_nasty Go To PostYou can't go from that straight to domestic violence, child abuse, etc lol. Some people got nothing going on and cheat. It's unfair to say people are ignoring the worst of the worst just because it doesn't headline their post.Can go anywhere if folks pulling some moral absolutism and "never okay."
By domino Go To Postwhats a MOTApparently a MOT is a yearly required inspection of vehicles in the UK. A marriage MOT is taking that same concept of inspection and extending it to marriage counseling. Something you do before there is a big problem so that one doesn't appear.
ah. you brits and your terminology.
thats actually a really good idea. gonna make a mental note of that.
thats actually a really good idea. gonna make a mental note of that.
By Random Ass Username Go To PostCan go anywhere if folks pulling some moral absolutism and "never okay."Era doesn't set the standard on anything other than ridiculous convenient hypocrisy anyways lol. But no one needs to asterisk shit just to prevent ambush dialogues... Cheating is generally a dick move. Doesn't make you Hitler though. That's generally a sane stance.
This coming from a reformed homewrecker lol. My shit indeed stinks.
Someone broke my heart in december.
She came back. We dated for a month again. She just came out yesterday saying she's feeling confused about us.
I'm always amazed at the cruelty or carelessness of some people.
She came back. We dated for a month again. She just came out yesterday saying she's feeling confused about us.
I'm always amazed at the cruelty or carelessness of some people.
Can't break anything if you never let them in.
That married woman that I put up with can come back whenever she wants. I don't know what it is about her, but she's the only one I'd give a second, third, and fourth chance to.
That married woman that I put up with can come back whenever she wants. I don't know what it is about her, but she's the only one I'd give a second, third, and fourth chance to.
By Gaby Go To PostSomeone broke my heart in december.Did she leave you for someone else or just do the "im not into this."
She came back. We dated for a month again. She just came out yesterday saying she's feeling confused about us.
I'm always amazed at the cruelty or carelessness of some people.
By Random Ass Username Go To PostDid she leave you for someone else or just do the "im not into this."We met when we both had someone. I left my someone. Was thus the third wheel for a short bit, they broke up but they still lived together for more time. All in all, I spent around 4 months with that guy's presence. They had partnered up for six years. In december, she said she felt the grieving hit her hard and left me in quite shitty fashion: via text, after seeing him, the day after a beautiful gift for her, and one day before we'd fly to her country.
I recently found out she sent him love e-mails after leaving me, but it did not lead to much apparently. We've been texting since March, dating since early April. Yesterday she pretty much gave me the "I'm not feeling you enough to be fair to you" talk. I'm quite shocked, stood my ground. She didn't really "break up" but I don't know how much breaking there was to do for this second time around. She uses her own mental anguish to justify being shitty to others. I know I should bail forever. Still difficult emotionally.
sorry to hear that Gabby
Learned better not to double dip a long time ago. People don't change (in that way)
Learned better not to double dip a long time ago. People don't change (in that way)
By Gaby Go To PostWe met when we both had someone. I left my someone. Was thus the third wheel for a short bit, they broke up but they still lived together for more time. All in all, I spent around 4 months with that guy's presence. They had partnered up for six years. In december, she said she felt the grieving hit her hard and left me in quite shitty fashion: via text, after seeing him, the day after a beautiful gift for her, and one day before we'd fly to her country.So many flags
I recently found out she sent him love e-mails after leaving me, but it did not lead to much apparently. We've been texting since March, dating since early April. Yesterday she pretty much gave me the "I'm not feeling you enough to be fair to you" talk. I'm quite shocked, stood my ground. She didn't really "break up" but I don't know how much breaking there was to do for this second time around. She uses her own mental anguish to justify being shitty to others. I know I should bail forever. Still difficult emotionally.
By Bold 2 in One Go To PostDY, you did someone dirty?someone? smh you should have greater expectations than that
say it aint so
My faith is shaken
By Gaby Go To PostWe met when we both had someone. I left my someone. Was thus the third wheel for a short bit, they broke up but they still lived together for more time. All in all, I spent around 4 months with that guy's presence. They had partnered up for six years. In december, she said she felt the grieving hit her hard and left me in quite shitty fashion: via text, after seeing him, the day after a beautiful gift for her, and one day before we'd fly to her country.Sounds like she didnt know what she wants and still doesn't and keeps you around as some kind of landing pad cause she doesn't know how to be single.
I recently found out she sent him love e-mails after leaving me, but it did not lead to much apparently. We've been texting since March, dating since early April. Yesterday she pretty much gave me the "I'm not feeling you enough to be fair to you" talk. I'm quite shocked, stood my ground. She didn't really "break up" but I don't know how much breaking there was to do for this second time around. She uses her own mental anguish to justify being shitty to others. I know I should bail forever. Still difficult emotionally.
By Kibner Go To Postsomeone? smh you should have greater expectations than thatsay it ain't so..
I always feel like blocking them feels like saying 'you win' where as not even answering it feels more like you can just say 'eh i've been busy' and play it off cool as a cucumber.
But I'm the last person to take advice from.
But I'm the last person to take advice from.
By data Go To PostI always feel like blocking them feels like saying 'you win' where as not even answering it feels more like you can just say 'eh i've been busy' and play it off cool as a cucumber.Breh you'd be better off blocking all of Alabama and every state that touches your state lines.
But I'm the last person to take advice from.
By data Go To PostI always feel like blocking them feels like saying 'you win' where as not even answering it feels more like you can just say 'eh i've been busy' and play it off cool as a cucumber.I think both advice are fine. I'm incapable of just saying it's over forever but I have to work to get there. Just too cruel.
But I'm the last person to take advice from.
I wrote her an e-mail today, but I did not send it because I don't want to give grounds for her to make me feel rejected.
By reilo Go To PostBreh you'd be better off blocking all of Alabama and every state that touches your state lines.I only talk to people I work with and homeless people at the shelter once a week now. I'm going the Keanu route.
By data Go To PostI always feel like blocking them feels like saying 'you win' where as not even answering it feels more like you can just say 'eh i've been busy' and play it off cool as a cucumber.Why in fucks name are you on about "winning."
But I'm the last person to take advice from.
It's about distancing yourself from someone entirely so you don't even come into any sort of contact with their toxicity.
By Random Ass Username Go To PostWhy in fucks name are you on about "winning."It's not about winning. It's about cold turkey vs slow removal. When I try to forcefully, abruptly remove something, I tend to try to go back. If I slowly make that thing lose power over me, I don't go back. It's feeling weak and having to force things vs figuring out you don't even need the thing in the first place.
It's about distancing yourself from someone entirely so you don't even come into any sort of contact with their toxicity.
It's not weak at all to just realize something is gangrenous and cut it off. In fact the better and quicker you get at it the more time and energy you save yourself.
By Random Ass Username Go To PostIt's not weak at all to just realize something is gangrenous and cut it off. In fact the better and quicker you get at it the more time and energy you save yourself.I envy you. I've never been able to do that. I'm too much a chancer and I have very little self-protection mechanism. I've attracted abuse because if I love unconditionally, the person just loses interest. Takes weeks, months, years. Has been the same way. I'm trying to change.
By Gaby Go To PostI envy you. I've never been able to do that. I'm too much a chancer and I have very little self-protection mechanism. I've attracted abuse because if I love unconditionally, the person just loses interest. Takes weeks, months, years. Has been the same way. I'm trying to change.I used to be like this but then just stopped because I was tired of hurt and expectations. It didn't change "instantly" per say, but only noticed that I changed when my approach to dating was different. It helped me realize that I have other things going on in life and that dating isn't the end all be all - not making someone your everything and having a life outside of your relationship/dating life did wonders for me.
By Gaby Go To PostI envy you. I've never been able to do that. I'm too much a chancer and I have very little self-protection mechanism. I've attracted abuse because if I love unconditionally, the person just loses interest. Takes weeks, months, years. Has been the same way. I'm trying to change.I had enough stuff happen in sequence I don't wish on anyone that "assisted" tbh. I just don't have the time and patience for some manipulative toxic shit anymore.